by Wakhe Sebenza

1. I am in Paris, France. I must keep reminding myself this every now and then, not because I forget, there’s no way one could forget, all these monuments, the lights, the food, the language, that all reminds one where they are. I tell myself I’m in Paris because I thought this was impossible for me. I started the year from a very dark place, my life had no direction but that’s not the story I am telling right now, I am in Paris France, that’s the story, a story of hope, a trial turned into triumph.

• It’s Sunday, the 21^st of May 2023, we are attending the closing of the groundbreaking exhibition “Zanele Muholi” at Maison Europeenne de la Photographie (MEP) in Paris France. When they speak of a record-breaking exhibition that had nearly 80 000 visitors at MEP, I attended that. I forgot to ask permission for bragging rights, I need that for a minute then we get back to how is this a story of hope, trial turned into triumph. I am attending with (Hear this, still within my bragging rights minute) the active participants in the exhibition. The exhibitions covers the full breadth of Muholi’s career, Only Half The Picture, Queering Public Space, Brave Beauties, Faces and Phases, Somnyama Ngonyama and more work. I travelled with five participants on the exhibition, Bathini Dambuza and Charmain Carrol are participants in Faces and Phases, they are in a phase where they travel internationally and share their stories behind the photograph that was made back when they never thought they could travel the world. It is a beautiful thing to witness. I realized something when they were sharing their stories, they’re then and now. Once a photograph that tells your story is made, it sorts of give you direction on where you want to be from that moment, you wanna change your story, you wanna get out of your past experiences and tell a different story from that moment you were photographed, we have witnesses, Photograph can completely change your life. 

• It changed the life of Sazi Jali, who started an organization called Trans Hope and it does exactly that, it advocates for human rights, she makes sure that trans people are treated with respect especially in public institutions, not because they are trans but because it is basic human right. She’s one of the participants I travelled with, she had one of the biggest photographs in the exhibition, she is on Brave Beauties, I want to say the most beautiful photograph but with every photograph you see there you think, this is the most beautiful, you move on to the next you think, this is the most beautiful, Art collectors must be having a hard time deciding what to collect.

• The show became more than an Exhibition, I’d call it “Experience South Africa”, they heard our stories, they experienced our music as Annalyzer Stuurman performed something out of this world! The Annalyzer you converse with is different to  Annalyzer the Singer/Perfomer, they become superhuman when performing, there is no magic tricks, just the energy, it feels like presence of some higher powers, the same energy you feel when you are looking at the Somnyama Ngonyama series on the walls, now imagine all those energies together. The team pulled up on South African Traditional attires, some (me) not in full attire, but threw a a piece or an item on top of casual (read stylish) clothes but they (me) still looked stunning. Mam’Lizzie also looked stunning on casual accessorized with accessories that say, “I am an African”. Ohh , my manners! I also travelled with Lizzie Muholi who is a Photographer and and and. One of the things I’ve learnt, or we all have learnt working with Muholi, never limit yourself, you can always do more. I joined the team as a Radio enthusiast, I wanted something to keep that radio passion burning, and I was going to do Artist Profiling in a radio style, audio interviews, I am now Writing, I have fallen in love with photography, definitely going to pursue that, I have an urge to give back, I am definitely starting a foundation, That’s what you learn here, you become your best self. This show is better told visually, Mam’Lizzie was doing exactly that, I want to see that on Camera, I wanna see the faces of all the Visitors again, their excitement, The tears of joy, the disbelief while they were looking at Leh Sishi who is part of Brave Beauties series, seeing her in person in her Zulu traditional attire. The attire was the second most beautiful thing about her, her heart takes the first spot, but then now where do I place her sense of humour? Let’s leave this. 

• It’s been four years since I did my Passport, that’s the first thing you do when you are getting into a work relationship with Professor Muholi, They are an internationally renowned Visual Artist after all, I believe in manifestation, I knew I was gonna travel at some point before my passport expires, I just couldn’t figure out how was it going to happen, but that’s the thing about manifesting, you never have to worry about “the how”. I should have known how it was going to happen, I mean who told me to go do the passport? Them! When we applied for Visa appointments a few weeks ago, I was worried, especially because we were applying as a group, my worry was being the only one to be refused a Visa. Back in November 2022, I moved back home, back to relatives but let’s call it home. My life had no direction at that point so there is no way I could have imagined myself being in Paris at this time. It was nice being home but in January when everyone was going back to the cities, I started getting depressed, I felt my life had no direction and I was in rural areas struggling with reception to communicate. I had to go the mountain everyday to find reception, I needed to be saved, I needed to be rescued. Do you wanna guess who was I talking to? You guessed right; Prof Muholi invited me to Cape Town Pride. That’s the beginning of this story, I am sorry to tuck it in so far from the start. Back when I was home, my cousin’s kids, a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, decided they want to be artist, in my absence they somehow got ahold of my passport and a pan, to cut the long story short, I submitted art series we can call “Amakokoroshe” at the embassy. I need to get a new Passport after this trip.

• My first day being in Paris was very emotional for me, not even in a good way, I had to snap out of it eventually, I am good now, I am taking in all the beautiful energies and enjoying this experience fully. I thought a lot about how I don’t deserve this, you know how anxiety lies to you? I thought how much has been spent to get me here, what I could have done with that amount. If I knew what I know now, I wouldn’t have bothered myself with those stupid thoughts, this is the greatest opportunity that I have ever been offered, this is the greatest experience. I am learning to stop worshiping money because that takes away all the joys presented Infront of you. 

• Highlights
• Travelling long hours, as I was watching the plane leaves the map of Africa on the screen Infront of me, that is exhausting, I wanna do it again and again. I’m sure this doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense to me either, this kind of exhaustion is exhilarating, I can’t explain.
• Just by looking at how Paris is so different from us, the way it broadens your way of thinking, how beautiful the city is, who knew I would hear of and be in a country where English is not that important? I now recommend travelling, I want this experience for everyone just to get another perception of life.
• The exhibition had nearly 80,000 visitors, this is record breaking at the MEP, being part of that history made? A highlight. Culture shock, they are paying to see exhibitions here, that’s how much art is loved here, I wanna live here!
• Prof. Muholi’s heart. The end, I am in Paris, I am in Paris till month end, this is not the end.