by Bathini Dambuza
A cold winter night, all alone in my room
I think of her, I think of me
Me and her the joy and headache of reality
The heartache of what is in front of me
Pain of love, joy and sorrows
The anxiety of tomorrow
The emotional ills of feeling hollow
My heart bleeds of uncertainty
Uncertainly of my life without her
Uncertainty of her life without me
Uncertainty of our lives without each other
Uncertainty of a life of remorse
Pain and suffering will ever see her again
Do I want to see her again?
Will I feel the same way I did
Do I need to trust the feeling
Is it a true feeling that one could rely on
Will it be the same way it was before
If it is, on what grounds do I need to trust it
How assured will I be that the feeling is mutual,
Well, I remain unanswered.
Love lost in the roaring war of emotional pain
Love lost in the treachery of mistrust
Love lost in the disillusionment of freedom
Freedom to be me!
I want to be free
I want to sail in the midst of this fantasy
Me, myself and I will be free
Free to see, free to speak
Free to taste, free to feel
Free of these guilt-ridden memories
But memories anger in time
As time makes, only time takes
Like my pain, our pain
Rid me of these shackles that bind me
Bind me to an existence I don’t know
Existence of fail to understand
An existence of living from others hand
This is it…the end!!!
End of time, it’s over!!!
About the author
Bathini Dambuza is a self-employed beautician and hairstylist.
She is an outspoken activist; artist; performer – acted with SAfroDykes. Previously worked former as a Community Outreach officer at the Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW).
She also featuring in Raped For Who I Am (2006) by Lovinsa Kavuma.
In 2006 traveled with Chosen FEW to the Gay Games, Chicago, US.