2013 Aug. 26: Will You Ever

by Steve Nkumbi

I haven’t a slightest clue how you stole my heart…
but you did anyway
See I am mad at myself for loving you
Beautiful conversations,
sweet kisses,
warm hugs and that amazing fuck
Led me to this pothole,
called love
I know not how to climb out and so
I’m left with these unwanted feelings
that just cannot seem to fade away
And only seem to get stronger…

See, I couldn’t even go with my mind on this one
because inevitably the heart and mind were
dancing to the same rhythm
And it automatically goes back to the same old cliché
of you saying you don’t want to break
my heart
You don’t want to break my heart? …
what right does she have to make decisions
for this potent organ bating inside my chest, I ask
Well, maybe I want to fall deeply with you
so that when you eventually break my heart
I will not only be left with a broken heart,
but I will know how it feels
To hurt for the one I truly love
I tried to tell myself that this was just a physical thing!
A spiritual love affair is what started this love thing

In all honesty! I couldn’t care less how you claim you’ll ruin me
And break my heart,
for I have already been ransacked and robbed by you
This heart of mine you stole
I want to believe you when you say you love me,
but I don’t
So I want to drop the ball but sadly I ain’t no rugby player
I’ll continue loving you until my heart gives in
I’m afraid that when you realize I loved you,
I’ll be wishing I never met you
side my own chest, I ask
Well, maybe I want to fall deeply with you
so that when you eventually break my heart
I will not only be left with a broken heart,
but I will know how it feels
To hurt for the one I truly love
I tried to tell myself that this was just a physical thing!
A spiritual love affair is what started this love thing

In all honesty!
I couldn’t care less how you claim you’ll ruin me

I want to believe you when you say you love me, but I don’t
So I want to drop the ball but sadly
I ain’t no rugby player
I’ll continue loving you until my heart gives in
I’m afraid that when you realize I loved you,
I’ll be wishing I never met you.

* Pls note that this piece was first published in Sparkling Women, Edition 19.

2013 Aug. Sparkling Women issue

About the author

Steve Nkumbi, Is a young Black Lesbian who is an expressive activist and film maker, through her poetry and song writing she fights for all the Black homosexual women who are silenced and violated for being who they are.
She believes that power lies not only in our actions but in our words too.

She aims on combining the power of actions and words while she is being the voice of the voiceless women in South Africa and aims on sharing every aspect of it with the world and that is why she is doing film.
“It’s hard enough being a woman in South Africa, being a black woman and homosexual in S.A is 100 times harder” she says.

Filmmaking is the driving force behind this passionate expressive activist, as she uses filmmaking and poetry to explicitly demonstrate what women endure on a daily basis.

This entry was posted in Affaire, Another Approach Is Possible, Art is Queer, Beauty, Before You, Black Queer & Gifted, Contributors, Kisses, Love, Power of the Voice, Relationships, Self-worth, South African Artists, South African Black Lesbian Filmmakers, Sparkling Women publication by Cheryl Roberts, Visual Arts and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 2013 Aug. 26: Will You Ever

  1. Kopano says:

    This a beautiful piece of writing, emotive and thought provoking.

    I’d love to read more of your work.

  2. Charmain Carrol says:

    Beautiful

  3. Steve says:

    Thank you people, you will be seeing more of my work here. I appreciate the support.-Steve Nkumbi

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