by Nosipo Solundwana

My laughter has turned into a frown, I can’t bare thinking about my life before and now. A lot has changed, I gave up my life to be here and thought I would be happy, but all has turned out wrong.

The author’s portrait, Nosipo taken at the former Women’s Jail, Con Hill, Johannesburg. Photo by Lindeka Qampi/ Inkanyiso (2015/06/05)

I don’t regret all the decisions I made, I am just looking forward to pulling my life together again. I am done living in tears, pain, frowns and shame. It’s about time I stand up to my challenges and stop complaining about life. Its time I turned my life around for the better. To give up the claim for compensation means I suffer loss for letting go of the offense.

One thing I did for myself, I freed myself from the continuation of pain, and it’s an issue between my God and me. Forgiving means self-deliverance, taking ownership and reclaiming my true self in life.  Do the people who hurt you control your life?
That’s totally wrong. I can’t be held emotionally hostage, I release my self-absorption and self-destruction, if I do not forgive I allow perpetration and vengeance is God’s. Failure to forgive others or myself is a form of” PRIDE”.

I release all to God for his a righteous judge. I never desire to see the destruction of others; the greatest form of revenge is success. Love is more potent than hatred. I personally learnt that I shouldn’t degrade myself, be so hard on myself, judge myself nor give low self-esteem. I shouldn’t utter defiant words to myself and to emancipate myself from myself. Forgiving someone is difficult, I often misunderstood the word forgiveness, forgiveness is not forgetting, not a feeling but a choice. It does not demand revenge and also does not mean reconciliation. I can forgive someone and not reconcile because the hurt or pain we bring to others is not the same.

Forgiving is Costly.

Previous by Nosipo

2015 May 5: My journey so far in life