2013 Feb. 24: Haunted by my past

Had 2 glasses of wine so excuse me
if I sound a bit too much for one read
I was raped as a kid and
I can only mention it here and now,
so when you see me
don’t ask me about it again

I was about 3 or 4 years when it started
I remember this cause I hadn’t started with school as yet.

I was raped by my neighbor a lots of times,
he would call me to a half built house and rape me there,
I don’t remember crying,
I knew he hated me and there was nothing I could do to change that,
he wanted to hurt me
and I had no power to run or hide.
Then one of the ladies who lived next door got a boyfriend
and
she was going there
and
I was invited to come along
and
when we got there she let him rape me,
I wonder what was going through her mind
I don’t know what made her hate me that much.
And while playing behind our house
we came across a dangerous criminal,
me and a friend knew the guy
was bad news cause we’d seen him getting a beating
once or twice,
he called me to the bushes,
out of fear I went and he raped me there,
by then I knew I was cursed or something

Then one day on my way back from school
I was dragged to the schools toilets
by a guy who was coming from a near by technikon
and
he raped me there,
I didn’t even know him,
I don’t know what he had against me.
Then there was a ritual next door
when one of the neighbor’s sons came to the gathering
locked me in his mom’s bedroom and raped me,
still
don’t believe that no one heard that

See today I got in a taxi
and the driver started telling me about my thighs
and how he wanted to take a picture of them.
I was scared out of my mind
everything came rushing back.
That was the longest day at work ever.
Got home and I was going to have a glass of wine
and pass out,
then I find myself even more emotional
and I write this

____________________

Author’s name reserved to respect her identity.
NB: Message received via email.

This entry was posted in Activism, Archived memories, Arts, Community, Documentation; Filming; Photography; Community, Expression, Family, Hate Crimes, Rape, Readings, Records and histories, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to 2013 Feb. 24: Haunted by my past

  1. Paballo Biblos David Mofokeng says:

    Writing heals and I love how its short and to the point. Emotional but consoles at the same time

  2. charmain carrol says:

    I’m in tears right now…
    I cannot imagine how you get through the day..

    But you have been strong because you are still standing and writing heals.

    You my inspiration

    As a mother that I am, no child should go through what you went through.

    Big bear hugs

  3. thatcakes says:

    Wow. I can’t even begin to imagine the burden of having to carry that memory around, with that many occurrences.
    It’s never a victim’s fault. It’s never okay.
    You are stronger than your past.

  4. thatcakes says:

    I cannot even begin to imagine the burden of having to carry arounf those memories, that mant occurrences.
    It is never the victim’s fault. It’s never okay.
    You are stronger than your past.

  5. Queen says:

    my throat has a lump and eyes teary. in my heart is where i keep you anonymous :(.

  6. zandile says:

    I commend you. not many women come out and speak of their horrors, you teach us to live everyday with no regrets, and that some things happen to people and without a clue as to why.

  7. Lynn says:

    Yo childhood waz bad. Lts jst pray n hp ukuthi sumthing lyk ths wll nvr eva hppn agn. Nt 2 u only bt 2 evry1. No 1 dezerves tht. Qhubeka u qine ntombazane

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