2013 March 8: Ndilele

by Tambu Glenda Muzenda
© 10/6/12

I slept and dreamt,

My dreams of a life,

A life I loved, the woman, I loved

I loved being me,

As a little girl I dreamt

I dreamt of the love of my life,

Women I loved and girls I gave love

Woman I loved and I loved them back

And so I slept and dreamt

I slept and dreamt of life

A life, free for me to be a and I was

I was dreaming of my plans of life when I turn, 30

My birthday, I slept more and dreamt,

I will have my family too, live here and move there,

I slept some more and I could see it all,

Loved it and my woman with me, oh how I just dreamt

So I slept and dreamt

I dreamt of a fire in my heart to travel the world one day

One day, I slept and my dream changed-I awoke and I knew it was not my dream

I know you, but you are not in my dream, why did you come,

Why you coward, whilst I slept and dreamt,

I don’t like what your hands in my dream,

I want you to get out of my dream

I am sleeping, and I can’t scream in my dreams

I will tell what you have done, whilst I sleep,

You are a coward to come to into my dream like that

Why are you here, whilst I sleep and dream?

One day, it is all you have done, taken away

Taken away what cherish, my love, my heart, my dreams

You are a coward, I love just like you do and

Yes I love woman and you are a coward,

You are a loveless coward, coward you don’t get my dreams

So now I jut lay here awake, awake from my dreams

You killed my dreams, I don’t dream no more,

Whilst I awake, I will tell them what you did,

You have violated my body whilst I lay there, I dreamt no more

I have stopped dreaming and whilst I awake,
I feel the pain, the tearing of my heart

My heart, my body, my inner self, taken by you a stranger in my dreams

You are a coward,
whilst I sleep you attacked me,

Whilst I awake, I see my body laying
– in our nightmares of hate and violence

I awake to find my body torn, blood, everywhere, my body hurts,

My body hurts and I see no life in my dreams

I once dreamt whilst I slept and now awaken to my fallen dreams,

Whist I slept
I dreamt they will find you, you are a coward,

I lay awake and watch my soul rise above,
I go in my sleep forever

Whilst I slept I dreamt of life and today I lay awake

I want to dream again, the women I loved, I still dream

I dream that you will be safe whilst you sleep and dream

So ndabe ndilele nje, and now my soul rest in peace and pieces,

Again whilst I sleep with no dreams, my heart tears in piece

Ndilele nje!

__________________________

About the author

Glenda is an gender and development research studying African sexualities. She writes widely and seeks to write and read more about people like us. She writes and contributes to our work.
She also loves cats and is passionate about women, vaginas, sex and sexuality- not necessarily in the same order.

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2 Responses to 2013 March 8: Ndilele

  1. Pingback: 2013 March 22: Gloom, glamour and graves | inkanyiso.org

  2. Pingback: 2013 Nov. 25: We have always been here | inkanyiso.org

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