by Moira Khumalo
I’m from Ladysmith, came to JHB few years ago. I was a sterling sonnet writer at school, never wrote anything outside of pain or trauma, which helped me heal with my challenges as a crippled child who was raised by a bunch of Schizo’s, Bipolars and utter madness. Nonetheless I always saw myself as rose amongst thorns. My background is no fairy tale but through sheer determination and self adoration I loved myself as a queer and never once did I questioned it.
They say hate is a strong word, but right this minute, Hate is an appropriate word for the wave of emotion I feel in my heart. I hate the fact that I’m subjecting myself to your opinions about who I should be. I hate the roles I have to play and shun what I’m truly am. All these years u’ve molded and engineered the type of daughter that was ideal to u. Well I must say that u’ve succeeded, the daughter u created is the devil u running away from. I hate that the inappropriate has become the appropriate. The decency has turned into an obsession. How do I reason when my mind has been infiltrated by ur standards and my heart by ur demons. I can’t even bare the face of me right now as all that I see in the mirror is the vessel of this deep scared soul. I hate u, I hate u, and hate doesn’t even measure the amount of hate I have. I want to be all that u hate so that u feel how heavy this hate is. I want u to taste this hate so that u’ll know how my meals tastes like. I want to bring the whole new meaning to hate by leaving a big hate mark on ur door steps so that who ever comes in knows that hate was here!
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