2013 June 4: I was not Her

by Kopano Sibeko

I could have worn my hair like she did,
Wore a dress maybe,
Apply that expensive lip gloss she had with a pinkish glittery, perfume scent or
Strut ‘em heels like she does, maybe?

I was not her

I could have used the fragrance of her preference to impress you,
I could’ve went my way to get my clothes tailored by the same designer,
Perhaps even ask her what make of under-wear does she like,
and maybe buy that too to electrify you.

I was not her

I mean I was willing to take up cooking classes,
dancing classes and what sport did you say she played again?
That too I was willing to take up, just for you.
You told me she use to rub your feet when you got home from work and I did the same,
If I could I’d probably get a face job and ask to look just like her.

And I still wouldn’t be her, even with her features on my face,
because I was not her.
Yet you claimed to love me,
when all you had was a picture of another
When you kissed me,
When you made love to me,
Even when you fuckin’ fucked me,
all you had was an image of the women you loved that didn’t love you enough to stay.

I was not her…
that’s why I left you!
I am me; the woman who gave you love, when no one else did,
The same woman who feed you, when you couldn’t afford to eat,
Yes I am that woman that wrote you symphonies, poetry and a number of love letters
to show you that I care…

But that woman is no more,
Not because of you,
Just not to you anymore.
Yes I was not her…
But I am me to another

Previous by Kopano Sibeko

2013 May 11: Actually, absolutely, definitely NO!

and

2013 April 21: Living a legacy is always better than leaving a legacy

and

2013 April 23: Intraview II

and

2013 April 16: Not just a handsome butch lesbian

and

2013 April 9: I refuse to be abused

This entry was posted in Gender performance, Lady tactics, Power of the Voice, Records and histories, Relationships, South Africa, Translation, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right, Youth voices and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to 2013 June 4: I was not Her

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  3. Pingback: 2013 June 25: The other woman… | inkanyiso.org

  4. Pingback: 2013 June 29: Femininity in the lesbian community is stigmatized | inkanyiso.org

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