2013 June 27: How I realised my sexuality

by Lehlogonolo Mela

I am a woman who loves women, not because men are not attracted to me, but simply because I am attracted to women. No I am not ugly, in fact I am drop dead gorgeous, nor have I ever been hurt by a man and no, unlike most lesbians I have never been raped or subjected to any other form of abuse.

I am a young butch lesbian, and in my entire life I have dated 3 boys only.  My first boyfriend was when I was in grade 8. He lasted a week.  He was what every cheerleader at school wanted but I wasn’t seeing the big deal.  He was mad about me and I just wanted to see why every pretty girl in school wanted him. The day I dumped him was the day he kissed me.  I felt nauseated and very offended.  Immediately after, I had to cut him loose.

I dated my second boyfriend when I was in grade 9 and he lasted 2weeks. He was good company; he was the guy who dated tertiary girls.  He had money and was the coolest boy in school.  But he wasn’t cool enough for me because each time he would use endearing terms like ‘baby’ and all those sweet names, I would just cringe. It bothered me. It seemed I was running away from all the’ it’ guys at school, I wanted to be nowhere near them. I dumped him the day he fondled my behind. He made me feel trashy, I wanted to knock his lights out, but instead I dumped him.

Then I thought it was time I stopped wondering around, left the boys and concentrated on sports. I mean I was just in grade 9, so I played netball. And boy did I love being on the field. Not only did it keep me fit, but it also made me have close interactions with other girls. I was especially excited by this one girl. Her name was Fatima. She played centre and she was very quick on her feet. I was taller than most girls so I was the goal assistant or the goal scorer a lot, plus I was good at aiming and hardly ever missed a shot.

One afternoon I had a fight with the coach because she thought I wasn’t doing well enough. She gave me hell and I just stormed out. I went to the changing rooms and took a long shower. As I stepped out, she was there, telling me how the coach is a bitch because she probably didn’t get laid. We laughed about it. She went in the shower as I got dressed, and I waited for her to finish up.  She was really fast and when she got out, I realised how excited I was to see her naked well shaped body with every body part looking so perfect like it was created to be seen. I couldn’t stop staring and she whipped me with a towel because in the process, I drooled. Then we laughed about it and she also quickly got dressed and we left the changing rooms.

When we parted ways, I walked to the bus stop, puzzled as hell as I didn’t understand why a girl evoked feelings of excitement, especially at seeing her naked. The next day was school normal and I couldn’t wait to see her.  After school we had practice as normal, but after practice, we walked together to the changing rooms and this time I didn’t want to take a shower, I just wanted to go home, but she had a different plan for us. As I said goodbye to her, she grabbed and kissed me, and I kissed back. For the first time in my life I kissed someone and didn’t feel the need to gag. It was magical. I felt like I was in a movie and I was the main character.

For the rest of the week, we would kiss daily after practice until one day we practiced till late and she thought we should take it to the next level. We kissed and undressed each other. Little did I know what was going to happen next but it all seemed right.

She was on top of me and we were rubbing against each other. She was slightly slimmer than me and I switched her over with my strong arms and I was on top of her. I fingered her, though I wasn’t quite sure if she would like it. She loved it!  We went on and on until she said she just exploded. I guess we both didn’t know at the time that it was called cuming. We laughed, she turned me over and said “your turn” she tried to insert her finger inside of me. I was dripping wet and felt the urge to be touched.

It felt uncomfortable and I guided her letting her know to keep her fingers outside because it felt good when she played around with my outer parts than the inside.  After a while, I exploded too. It was magic. It was the first time I came. I had just had sex for the first time, sex with another woman.  It felt right. We quickly dressed up, walked to the gate and went our separate ways.

The next day at netball practice, she kept smiling at me but I felt awkward. After practice that day, I didn’t go to the changing rooms.  She caught up with me and invited me for a sleep over. She lived close to the school and I had to take a 45minutes bus ride to get home.   I could not resist and called my mom and made up a story about an assignment that was due the next day.  She insisted on speaking to the parents and when we got to her house, the mother called my mom and it was okay.

We got into her room, locked the door and did it so many times. We even learnt how to muff each other. It was good. We were both so eager to learn and both so horny. After that day, we did it every day until I was expelled from school later that year. I had to leave; I had to change schools, worst of all I had to leave my awesome sex life.

I started my grade 10 in a school in the township and now I had to behave and my spoiled brat tendencies had to go. No more sports or all that, but there was a pageant.  The girl that won it was so sexy, and the guy, well, looked like ‘Craig David’. I wanted a piece of the girl, but did not know how to approach her.  The question in my mind was, “are there any girls like Fatima, or just her?” and I was too chicken to find out. A week later, “Craig David” asked me out. Every girl wanted a piece of him but he wanted me. So I gave him a hard time for a full year. The guy was sweet. Plus he thought I was the coolest thing after sliced bread. So he was patient. After a year of him doing the chasing, I gave him a shot. We dated. He was my 3rd boyfriend and we lasted 3years. Yes I said 3 years.

In the three years I continued sleeping with Fatima. I went back for sleep overs, even my Craig David would drop me off at times because he was so sweet. He never once forced me to sleep with him or touch his manhood and I never. He told me I was worth the wait, because I told him I wasn’t ready. My sweet guy honestly believed he was going marry me.  To this day he still believes it, even though I am boyish looking.

After I went to tertiary, I officially and openly dated girls. It was who I was, it felt right.  I wanted to protect and take care of someone and I had visions of me making someone happy and safe in my arms. My dad’s role became what I wanted for myself. I accepted that I am different; I love girls and not because I’m rebellious, but because they excite me and make everything feel right.

I am a butch Lesbian!

About the author

My name is Lehlogonolo which means lucky, but my father prefers to say blessing instead. I am from Soshanguve, Pretoria but currently live in Centurion.

I work for a construction company. I just needed to share my story.

This entry was posted in Beauty, Before You, Black Lesbians, Complicated Lesbian Relationships, Evidence, Expression, Homosexuality, Hope, Lesbian Love Is Possible in South Africa, Love, Records and histories, Relationships, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to 2013 June 27: How I realised my sexuality

  1. Gugu Gstar says:

    Hi Hloni.

    Your story just excited me and not in an innocent way! So maybe u can give me some advise on how to get the girl u like, coz im still shy in that department even when Im tipsy, pathetic neh… Anyway your story is dope.

  2. Charmain Carrol says:

    I think your story is amazing thank you for sharing it.

    Looking forward to your next article or your journey

  3. I just want to mention I am very new to blogging and site-building and certainly loved this page. Very likely I’m planning to bookmark your website . You certainly come with very good article content. Regards for sharing your blog.

  4. I just want to mention I’m beginner to blogging and truly enjoyed this web-site. Probably I’m likely to bookmark your website . You amazingly have amazing articles. Cheers for sharing your blog site.

  5. Noks says:

    Ouh Myyyy i am so turnd ON!!!!!!!! whr the hell is Fatima, this is one amazing article Well done Nolo

  6. Bokamoso faith says:

    Hey bless ur stry jst trn m on,wish to mit u.

  7. gangz says:

    hi gv me ur whtsp nomber i wnt to share with u pls

  8. Lunga Mahlangu says:

    I really love the stories that are shared by people through inkanyiso. I just hope that I could be a part of inkanyiso.

  9. Lunga Mahlangu says:

    I love this story

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