by Sade Langa

 
It has taken me a marriage to even think of writing such! When my exes broke up with me, I was heartbroken. I even had stalking tendencies. I checked them out from a distance, asked people about them in passing just to see if they were ok, maybe missing me, maybe regretting breaking up with me. I always had fantasies that they would come crawling back to me, begging for me to take them back, which never happened. This added to my heartbreak because I always thought of myself as a catch.

 
I mean to blow my own horn I always knew that I was a catch, but these women never saw that! At some stage it messed with my confidence, maybe, just maybe I wasn’t as I saw myself. Then I started doubting myself because I never wanted to party like they did and spend money on useless stuff! By the way money I never had. A friend told me that these women were looking for status, they thought because I stayed where I stayed I must have money, only to realize when they got to know me that I was actually just a struggling artist trying to make my mark in the world.

 
The reason why I thought I would actually take the time to write this to my exes is I met the most beautiful, kind, humble, intelligent person with the most beautiful smile and eyes. She has really changed my world and me. She loved me when I was a broke ass and changed the way I view love and life. The thing about meeting my wife was she made me see myself for who and what I am. I realized I had found someone who loved me – flaws and all. When I look back I realized that my exes didn’t have the balls to challenge me thus they cheated and left.

 
She on the other hand would call me up on my bullshit, challenge me if I was on the wrong and she still does. In my past relationships I never had arguments because they knew I would just say sorry, don’t want to fight or just a plain old NO. Looking back I was a typical douche and it was either my way or the highway. Guess what when someone broke up with me it was their fault never mine. Of course it was never my fault, I never cheated, and I never paid attention!

 
I would really like to give a shout out to all my exes for not realizing I was a gem, platinum if you may. I am really glad they did not take the time to know me, invest in me, question me because they would have found what my wife has found and I might have been miserable all my life because my wife wouldn’t have found me. It was a blessing in disguise.

 
Meeting you was a must as it prepared me for the journey I am on. This also includes the father of my child. It is a shame I used to really hate his guts but now I just pity him for being a douche as he is missing out on the greatest gift alive.

Therefore, thank you to all my exes for playing the role you were supposed to play at the time. Because of you I am a better partner, lover, wife and I grow daily because I know what it is to be loved and love just as much.

Merci, Dankie, Ngiyabonga mina.

Previous by Sade

2013 April 18: The last three months before dying