My name is Kgomotso Masigo, I am a 28 year old born in Soweto. I’m the eldest of three 3 girls raised by a single mother.
For a few months now I’ve been following Zanele Muholi, and ever since then I had the itch to share my story with her. I haven’t opened up about this to anyone before. This is the good, the bad and the ugly story of my life.
I’m a lesbian mother of 1 a 10-year-old girl named Katlego. I named her Katlego because she is the only thing I have perfectly right in my life. This is how the story of my life begins; I remember it like it was yesterday. When I was in middle school I started getting excited about girls. It was the most confusing time of my life, but I did not pay much attention to it, as I was still too young. I went to High School and the battle began with myself because my interest in girls started growing. I was a very popular girl at school and loved by many, except I wasn’t much loved by me, but never showed that to the world.
In 2000 I decided to come out to my mother and that wasn’t received well. I can say that that’s when all the rebelling started. My mother is a very aggressive person and in her house you can only be what she says you are. After that encounter I decided to go right back into the closet and be what everybody including my mother says is right. That’s when I met a guy who is my baby daddy and we dated for a while.
I fell pregnant in matric when I was 18 years old. I didn’t know what was going on except only that I was going to be a mother. The thought brought me joy but I still battled with myself. The relationship between my mother and I was damaged. Not only because I was pregnant, but because I resented her, she resented me as she knows that I am not like any other girl.
I come from a family that did not know love and togetherness; all we knew was war. I learned to defend myself more than to love myself even with all my flaws; I know that it’s okay not to be perfect.
In 2005 I gave birth to my little girl and that’s how my life changed for good. Knowing in my heart that I have to make this world a better place for my princess, I studied, learned everything that I know now and worked my ass off.
At age 19 I moved out of home, as the situation there was getting worse by the minute. I must say, I did very well for myself accomplished almost everything that I wanted. I had my own place; a secure job and I could afford my life.
At that point I could date girls but still kept everything under the carpet. I love my mother with every vein pumping blood in my body, in other words she is my life I can’t imagine my life without her and I still support her in every possible way I can. Even when we still didn’t have a healthy mother and daughter relationship and the fights were getting worse. She cursed me out calling me all sorts of names whenever she can. In 2013 I got ill but this is not any kind of illness, its spiritual I consulted a prophet and I was told I have a calling to be a prophet. That year was the most tragic year at least that’s what I thought. I lost everything that I had worked hard for, all my dreams and hopes shattered before my eyes and I was forced to move back home.
Oh what a journey everything was just falling apart and my mother was getting violent, she looked at me with despise, anger and hatred in her eyes. I was convinced that I wasn’t born by her that I wasn’t from her womb. She would chase me with a knife and threaten to kill me. Some days she would love and embrace me and then out of the blue hate me again. As strong as I thought I was I reached a stage of depression and got hospitalized, the only support I had was from my little sister who has held my hand, been my ride or die chick. I lost all hope but kept going for the sake of my child and sisters. You know when they say God has plans for us all its all true and I believed that again on October the 5th 2014.
I met an amazing woman named Karabo, she was a God sent and still is. She came into my life when I had nothing and stood by me. Showed me love and supported me. I again decided to come out for good this time, she fought the battle with me and we grew stronger together and even more in love but just as I thought things were getting better I got attacked by a very close male friend. He was angry that I was dating a woman while he had been pursuing me for year. He wanted to set me straight. I got him arrested and carried on with my life and the wounds in my body and in my heart. Up to this day I’m still battling rejection from my mother. I still carry on and other things in my life are getting together, I just pray that one day things will work out.
Now the main reason for telling my story is because I feel this big hole in my heart that I need to engage with people like me and share my story. My wounds don’t define me though they are a part of me. I will continue to be amazing. I would love to meet you and have a conversation with you and other women that you work with.
To be honest, I would love to be one of the women you work with. I know there is something I can bring to the table, I love images and I’m good with words. My heart has been aching to join a group of women with great minds and are extraordinary.
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