2015 Nov. 21: The story of my life from what I can remember

My name is Kgomotso Masigo, I am a 28 year old born in Soweto. I’m the eldest of three 3 girls raised by a single mother.

For a few months now I’ve been following Zanele Muholi, and ever since then I had the itch to share my story with her. I haven’t opened up about this to anyone before. This is the good, the bad and the ugly story of my life.

I’m a lesbian mother of 1 a 10-year-old girl named Katlego. I named her Katlego because she is the only thing I have perfectly right in my life. This is how the story of my life begins; I remember it like it was yesterday. When I was in middle school I started getting excited about girls. It was the most confusing time of my life, but I did not pay much attention to it, as I was still too young. I went to High School and the battle began with myself because my interest in girls started growing. I was a very popular girl at school and loved by many, except I wasn’t much loved by me, but never showed that to the world.

2015 Sept. 26 Love Women Who Love Women_6113

Archived photo from 2015 Soweto Pride by Lindeka Qampi

In 2000 I decided to come out to my mother and that wasn’t received well. I can say that that’s when all the rebelling started. My mother is a very aggressive person and in her house you can only be what she says you are. After that encounter I decided to go right back into the closet and be what everybody including my mother says is right. That’s when I met a guy who is my baby daddy and we dated for a while.

I fell pregnant in matric when I was 18 years old. I didn’t know what was going on except only that I was going to be a mother. The thought brought me joy but I still battled with myself. The relationship between my mother and I was damaged. Not only because I was pregnant, but because I resented her, she resented me as she knows that I am not like any other girl.

I come from a family that did not know love and togetherness; all we knew was war. I learned to defend myself more than to love myself even with all my flaws; I know that it’s okay not to be perfect.
In 2005 I gave birth to my little girl and that’s how my life changed for good. Knowing in my heart that I have to make this world a better place for my princess, I studied, learned everything that I know now and worked my ass off.
At age 19 I moved out of home, as the situation there was getting worse by the minute. I must say, I did very well for myself accomplished almost everything that I wanted. I had my own place; a secure job and I could afford my life.
At that point I could date girls but still kept everything under the carpet. I love my mother with every vein pumping blood in my body, in other words she is my life I can’t imagine my life without her and I still support her in every possible way I can. Even when we still didn’t have a healthy mother and daughter relationship and the fights were getting worse. She cursed me out calling me all sorts of names whenever she can. In 2013 I got ill but this is not any kind of illness, its spiritual I consulted a prophet and I was told I have a calling to be a prophet. That year was the most tragic year at least that’s what I thought. I lost everything that I had worked hard for, all my dreams and hopes shattered before my eyes and I was forced to move back home.

Oh what a journey everything was just falling apart and my mother was getting violent, she looked at me with despise, anger and hatred in her eyes. I was convinced that I wasn’t born by her that I wasn’t from her womb. She would chase me with a knife and threaten to kill me. Some days she would love and embrace me and then out of the blue hate me again. As strong as I thought I was I reached a stage of depression and got hospitalized, the only support I had was from my little sister who has held my hand, been my ride or die chick. I lost all hope but kept going for the sake of my child and sisters. You know when they say God has plans for us all its all true and I believed that again on October the 5th 2014. 

I met an amazing woman named Karabo, she was a God sent and still is. She came into my life when I had nothing and stood by me. Showed me love and supported me. I again decided to come out for good this time, she fought the battle with me and we grew stronger together and even more in love but just as I thought things were getting better I got attacked by a very close male friend. He was angry that I was dating a woman while he had been pursuing me for year. He wanted to set me straight. I got him arrested and carried on with my life and the wounds in my body and in my heart. Up to this day I’m still battling rejection from my mother. I still carry on and other things in my life are getting together, I just pray that one day things will work out.

Now the main reason for telling my story is because I feel this big hole in my heart that I need to engage with people like me and share my story. My wounds don’t define me though they are a part of me. I will continue to be amazing. I would love to meet you and have a conversation with you and other women that you work with.
To be honest, I would love to be one of the women you work with. I know there is something I can bring to the table, I love images and I’m good with words. My heart has been aching to join a group of women with great minds and are extraordinary.

Thank you.

 

Related life stories

2015 May 5:  My journey so far in life

 

and

 

2015 May 14:  “I’m happy living my life the way I am

 

and

 

2015 April 16:  My story as a Zimbabwean Transvestite

 

and

 

2015 Jan.3: I dropped out of the closet many times

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 2: ‘I am a normal transgender woman’

 

This entry was posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, South Africa, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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