by Charmain Carrol & Ntsiki Cassie Dlamini
On the 21st March 2013 the Inkanyiso crew attended a picnic event organized by Ekurhuleni Pride Organizing Committee (EPOC) in Tsakane. The event was attended by a diverse group of people both gay and straight.
Ages of the attendees ranged between 18 – 50. There were about people in attendance.
When we got to the picnic spot everyone was happy to see the Inkanyiso crew there, and soon after we arrived a register was sent around to record the people who came and then the discussions proceeded from there which was chaired by Notyatyambo from EPOC.
Sex and Relationships
As the discussions proceeded, a couple of questions were asked and answered, and one particular question that got the discussion heated was that of sex.
The question asked was; “when does ones rights get violated when in a relationship? Say for instance your partner does not want to do certain things and you want to do them?”
There were few answers to the question and all of them were stressing the fact that one shouldn’t you force if the other partners are uncomfortable with the idea presented.
One femme lesbian said that, “don’t force what you want, but introduce what you want instead”. However some butch lesbians responded by saying, “if she doesn’t want it then you can get it elsewhere”.
From there one topic led to the other, and we ended up discussion the use of sex toys in lesbian & gay relationships, of which others were against it and others were all for it.
Then one other participant posed a question about butches who don’t want to be touched, which wasn’t discussed at length as the group agreed that we need to respect each other’s choices and not judge because we have no idea what is the reason behind them not wanting to be touched. (I observed that not much butches participated in this particular discussion, however that’s a topic for another day.)
It was then said that communication is key. People should talk about sex before, during and after and that each individual should know their bodies and be comfortable with themselves first before they can let some else in.
Sex topic seemed to be dominating a lot in most discussions as a lot of people came up with different questions related to sex and relationships.
The some of the questions asked were: Does sex play a big role in a relationship? What do you do if your partner does not satisfy you? What’s the use of being or staying in that relationship?
Some even came with the conclusion that the reason why most lesbians cheat is because they are not satisfied sexually, but the chair quickly dismissed the topic as the views were not the same to everybody.
The chair said this topic will be resumed by a ‘sex expert’ at the next meeting so that people can have a clear understanding on the importance of having a relationship where you are emotionally attached to someone without making sex a priority.
All these topics and more will be broadly discussed on the 14-17 June 2013 at the EPOC’s Winter Camp to be held in Mpumalanga.
The picnic was quite an eye opener as I have never been to a one where homosexuality, sex and healthy lifestyles were discussed openly.
About the authors
Charmain and Ntsiki are both activists, writers and lesbians mothers. They are also members of Inkanyiso.
Read their previous articles below:
2013 Feb. 8: “Let your voices be heard”