2014 Oct. 15: A letter to my Mom

by Sibahle Nkumbi

Sometimes I feel that we get so caught up on our same gender love and forget about where we come from… That sacred and safe space is ever forgotten. We hardly give a bunch of roses to our mothers and yet we claim to love women.
What is the greatest love that is there to be without a mother’s love?
I understand that we do not sleep (I mean have sexual intercourse) with our mothers but oh Bantu let us grant them some love.

Not all of us that still have mothers take time to express their feelings to their moms and not all lesbians write letters to their mothers. The ones that are fortunate enough to have mothers take their existence for granted and those that do not have mothers weep for them daily. This is a letter to my Mom.

Dear Mom

I will never be blessed with another woman like you in my life. I want to thank the Lord for making you my mother and I want to thank you for giving birth to me.
Having a child does not come with a manual you had to teach yourself parenting skills. Firstly, I love you Mommy and I want to apologise for the sleepless nights you had to go through because of me.  Let alone the pain you endured while I made all the wrong decisions growing up.

Secondly, I’m deeply thankful for the love you have given me the lessons you taught and showing me how to be a woman in this life.
Lastly I want to express my feelings of being under your guidance from birth up until my 24th year. If tomorrow never comes I don’t want to shed tears drowning in regret and sorrow. “If only” there is something I never want to say should the end comes. I want you to witness me blossoming into a woman you always wanted me to be.  My wish is to share all my happiest moments with you, God knows you have always been there through the bad times and rescued me from a lot of things and my time is now to thank you.
Most times as Daughters and Sons of our mothers, we find ourselves distant from our birthplace, this is my way of reconnecting with you Mom.

My Mother, Yintombi yaseMampondweni ezalwa yintombi yaseMaqadini.
Out of 9 children she is the 7th born and her name is Noxolo (meaning a peaceful being). She is indeed my sense of peace in this world. I’m talking about a woman with a big heart full of Love and forgiveness.
She’s not only a mother to me and my siblings but a mother to every child she crosses paths with.  The kind of woman that doesn’t sit and watch if you need help.
There’s a phrase that says ‘count your blessings’. That saying has a deeper meaning. when you take time and count your blessings you will realize that that simple act of gratitude will connect you with the things you have started taking for granted.

Momma is getting older now, old age is kicking in and she is still on the grind making sure there is food on the table. She does not owe us anything. She raised us gave and us love and education along with words of wisdom and life lessons. The lessons you don’t need a degree to be able to teach the next generation.
Thank you Mother.
I have heard people close to me that are left on this earth without Mothers saying that they feel their Mothers were gone too soon.  Some still weep at the thought of their mothers that are no longer alive wishing for their physical presence on a daily basis.
I asked myself one question: Who am I to take the mother that I have for granted?
While some will do anything for a mother’s love just one more time.

Growing up, Mommy never read any bedtime stories, instead she took time to tell us folk lore every night and stories that would always catch my attention. Now I realise that morals of stories were life lessons. When mother told stories she used to connect us to the story by action and expressions, I understand why I’m a filmmaker. I love sharing stories where people learn lessons from. I take that from Momma. The same stories she told us are still the stories I share with my nephews and nieces. Mommy has made me the strong woman that I am today.
I remember how mother used to fight my battles growing up.
One day I came home crying and asked her why do all my friends stand when they pee and I’m the only boy down?
At one point I thought there was no difference between my male friends until puberty. She sat down and explained why we pee differently but that shouldn’t change anything about who I am because to her I’ll always be her little man.
She came through for me again when an old man asked her why is the youngest girl always in Men business.  Correcting him she said “I am a mother of two girls and two boys” the two boys were my little brother and I.
She always came to my rescue and she still makes fun of how I transformed from a little boy to a young woman, today I’m a proud lesbian because of her. She loves supports and advises me everyday. We share a lot in common, those that know me well will describe me as a person that laughs and smiles a lot, and I take those traits from my Momma too. The point I’m stressing here is that all mothers are treasures they deserve our undivided attention, love, respect and care all the time. Once they leave us on this earth the world turns Black, instead of weeping we must be grateful and respectfully know that she has left you with enough to continue facing the world with endurance and patience. I want to be like my mother to my children in the future. It’s the little things that count, offering to massage her when she has back pain, offering tea when she’s thirsty. You don’t have to be rich to make your mother happy.

Mother I have a wish to give your own sanctuary for Dogs. Your love for nature and animals has taught me a lot about understanding God and his creation. I feel like I have four legs instead of two, you have always been and still are my rock.

It’s amazing how easy it is for us to get irritated when our mothers do not understand.
How we shout when they cannot hear us correctly and get grumpy when we have do their laundry. Forgetting that now that they are getting older it is our turn to look after them and make sure they are safe and protected, like they did with us when we were young.
Mother never shouted at me when I was learning to talk.  She taught me how to instead. She did not get tired of carrying me on her back simply because I couldn’t walk. The same applies when our mothers get older. The time is now for us to be fe-male(s) enough and appreciate everything they have sacrificed.
After all, if you ill-treat your mother you won’t be capable of loving another woman.


Previous by Siba

2014 Oct. 10: “ I tried to commit suicide…”






This entry was posted in A letter to my Mom, Another Approach Is Possible, Apology, Archived memories, Article, Articulation, Attention, Background, Beautiful, Beauty, Before US, Before You, Being conscientized, Birth, Birthplace, Black, Blessings, Brave, by Siba Nkumbi, Celebrating my mother, Dear Mom, Death, Difference, Disrespect, Endurance, Expression, Family, Feelings, Forget, Give, God, Happy, Irritation, Laughter, Life, Living, Living ancestors, Love, Mother and daughter relationship, Naming, Nature, Pain, Patience, Pee, Protection, Proud lesbian, Reflection, Relationship, Respect, safe, Smile, Support, Supporting each other, Survived, Talented, Teachings, Tears, Textualizing Our Own Lives, Thankful, Through thick and thin, Time, together, Together we can, Togetherness, Transformation, Treasure, Weeping, What black lesbian youth wants, When Love is a Human Right, Woman, Women loving women, Women's power, Women's Pride, Women's struggles, Women's Work, Words, Worked for us, Writing is a Right. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to 2014 Oct. 15: A letter to my Mom

  1. amanda mapuma says:

    Hawu mchana once again u touched my heart I love this letter and I love all mama’s all over the world am proud of u boy and ur kind words salute

  2. Pingback: 2015 Feb. 25: I drank again… | inkanyiso.org

  3. Pingback: 2015 Mar.3: A Letter to my Mother | inkanyiso.org

  4. Pingback: 2015 June 1: “Thank you Mother” | inkanyiso.org

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