by Charmain Carrol

To pay my last respect to my partner should s/he passes on?

archived photo from Noxolo Nogwaza’s funeral which took place in 2011

Would I be allowed to honour her life the way that any women would
to her husband.
Yes we are not married,
love is not about one’s status at home affairs,
but the love that we share.
All I know is that I love the human being
and I have welcomed ubaba in my life with that s/he comes with
and that s/he has done the same f me.

I would like to honour ubaba’s life like the man that s/he has been in my life,
with respect and dignity that s/he deserves,
yes I want to be in mo(u)rning.

I want to sit on the mattress and mourn my man.

I want to wash umzimba wendoda yami’s (body) for the last time.
Ngimgeze!
Allow my umnakwethu the right to express her bereavement and shed her fears

Yes,
I want to be the one to dress our lesbian husband up as s/he lays in that coffin.

I want to dress in full black for as long as it takes
ngizile

I am here in the Mo(u)rning.

I have lost a part of me

My partner,
my better half,
my lover,
my companion,
my friend,
my husband…

*** This text is personal. It is a way in which I express my fears in case I lose the love of my life; my lesbian love/r.
Also dedicated to all the femme lesbians out there who once lost their lesbian partners but never gained recognition from  the families of the deceased.
The selfish families/ relatives who claim property of the couple should one passes on due to disease or natural deaths or brutally killed.
Where the death certificate or funeral notices do not even count the next of kin.

___________________________

About the author: Charmain Carrol is a lesbian/gender activist, writer, a mother, high femme, sister and mentor to many. She’s been involve in activism for more than 15 yrs.