by Charmain Carrol

How does one cross the line with gender roles in our lesbian relationships?

As we discover ourselves or are on the quest of discovering ourselves, we have blurred the lines of where one gender begins and where the other ends.
Where do we draw the line?

archived photo… from Isilumo Siyaluma series
(c) Zanele Muholi
(2005)

The person in my life feels strongly about these defined gender terms and the traditional weight they carry but at the same time, physiology works against those desires.
That person ever so often tells me she is a man and wants to be addressed as such.

I, as a top femme woman, I conform to being the “woman” in the relationship. I adhere to her/his strong feelings on how ubaba (male household head) wants and should be addressed.

Blurred lines occur when the inevitable happens. Every month, Mother Nature comes with no beckoning. Her call must be heeded.
Now how do you tell ubaba that they have messed themselves with bordering on being disrespectful as tradition would dictate?

I remember an occasion when we were at a close friends place, hanging out and having fun. I found myself in an awkward situation as I noticed that s/he had or blotted with menstrual blood on pants.  As per their request, how do I approach ubaba to tell what has happened, now what do I say?
My mind started running wild trying to find the correct way to say it, baba uzincolisile (you have messed yourself)?
It does not sound right.

Which man bleeds?

But my person Bleeds

My man is comfortable with igazi lakhe

My man’s blood is liberation to him

My man is a man who bleeds and is okay with it.
Period…

Previous by Charmain Carrol


2013 Feb. 8: “Let your voices be heard”

and

2013 Feb. 12: Mo(u)rning in the morning

and

2013 March 8: Affirmation – I Am A Lesbian

and

2013 Feb. 8: Mo(u)rning the loss …