2013 June 26: S/he is a Bleeding Man

by Charmain Carrol

How does one cross the line with gender roles in our lesbian relationships?

As we discover ourselves or are on the quest of discovering ourselves, we have blurred the lines of where one gender begins and where the other ends.
Where do we draw the line?

blood stains (c) Zanele Muholi           (2005)

archived photo… from Isilumo Siyaluma series
(c) Zanele Muholi

The person in my life feels strongly about these defined gender terms and the traditional weight they carry but at the same time, physiology works against those desires.
That person ever so often tells me she is a man and wants to be addressed as such.

I, as a top femme woman, I conform to being the “woman” in the relationship. I adhere to her/his strong feelings on how ubaba (male household head) wants and should be addressed.

Blurred lines occur when the inevitable happens. Every month, Mother Nature comes with no beckoning. Her call must be heeded.
Now how do you tell ubaba that they have messed themselves with bordering on being disrespectful as tradition would dictate?

I remember an occasion when we were at a close friends place, hanging out and having fun. I found myself in an awkward situation as I noticed that s/he had or blotted with menstrual blood on pants.  As per their request, how do I approach ubaba to tell what has happened, now what do I say?
My mind started running wild trying to find the correct way to say it, baba uzincolisile (you have messed yourself)?
It does not sound right.

Which man bleeds?

But my person Bleeds

My man is comfortable with igazi lakhe

My man’s blood is liberation to him

My man is a man who bleeds and is okay with it.

Previous by Charmain Carrol

2013 Feb. 8: “Let your voices be heard”


2013 Feb. 12: Mo(u)rning in the morning


2013 March 8: Affirmation – I Am A Lesbian


2013 Feb. 8: Mo(u)rning the loss …

This entry was posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Before You, Gynaecologist, Love, Records and histories, Relationships, South Africa, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Women who have sex with Women, Writing is a Right and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to 2013 June 26: S/he is a Bleeding Man

  1. Malady brown says:

    woow that piece is nyc yoh hot

  2. Ramazan Ngobese says:

    Ngizobuye ngicommente ngisacela ukuhleka tjooooooo iyangiqeda le kwaaaaaaaaaaa

  3. Junie says:

    I love this piece. The message is beautifully articulated. I celebrate spaces that give us the freedom to express topics and thoughts we normally would be shy to tackle. Viva ubaba who’s not ashamed of her menstrual cycle, viva for being a proud woman/man 🙂

  4. Lerato says:

    Eish ja ne, the inevitable happens. Nice one mama!

  5. Pingback: 2013 June 28: So What Is This? | inkanyiso.org

  6. Pingback: 2013 July 31: No title | inkanyiso.org

  7. Pingback: 2013 Sept. 19: The killing of Mandisa was immoral and uncalled for | inkanyiso.org

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