2012 Nov. 20: Mourning on commission

by Christie ‘FossilSoul’ van Zyl
© 2012

                                                Even with our roots tracing back to Ubuntu…

None of my compassion dares trace back to you;

But I felt your spirit wrench in agony as they butchered your soul,

for your heart’s inclination.

You murmured sweet nothings of romance,

only to be murdered ,and for your reality to be called nonsense.

I did not know your name,

Neither did I ever get to see your face;

Lest I too be maimed for associating with the lover in you.

None of my heart’s ear be ever lent to you, lest I to be silenced from fighting for the others just like you.

None of my cries be ever heard for you, lest…
I too have my tongue slashed; and strawberry sweet kisses stripped from the love that I make in remembrance of you…

Nginenxeba mntakwethu, fanele ngibuze:

Senzeni na…

I am now stripped…
stripped down to only being able to mourn you on commission.

For my empathy has been under toned, to only

being able to express life’s loss of you in exhibition.

To only being able to mourn you through the aesthetic engagement in the images of the brutalities you faced, spread…
over crisp white walls; for institutionalized critics to tear my only memory of you apart with nothing but technicality.

I never knew you; neither did I ever get to see your face,

But I swear I feel as though I am one with you.

For you left with me that inbred fear that will never leave the hearts of our collectives, you left my ears ringing with the panting screams you cried when you tried to call out for help and nobody heard you coz they too believed that you deserved it.

They too believed that you were defying human nature.

They too believed that you were better suited for fatal judgement over something that hurts absolutely nobody;
above the love and protection they had promised to give you as their sister, brother, friend, neighbour, daughter, son, confidant and even once their lover.

So this is I, paying the dues for all the ignorance that killed you,
all of the belligerence that had you murdered.

I am heartbroken too,
for I have now been stripped…
stripped down to only being able to mourn you on commission;
to only being able to express life’s loss of you in exhibition.

To only being able to mourn you through the aesthetic engagement in the images of the brutalities you faced…spread…
over the front pages of newspapers,
for people to make even harder disastrous conclusions about exactly what we are not.

I PRAY YOU HEAR ME.

I did not know your name,

Neither did I ever get to see your face;

But I felt your spirit wrench in agony as they butchered your soul,

for your heart’s inclination.

You murmured sweet nothings of romance,

only to be murdered ,and for your reality to be called nonsense.

How this could be I could never know, when all you wanted to do is love freely, without being regarded as less than human; for falling in love with a complete being and seeing past their containment.

Yes, intolerance has taken precedence over our universal right to loving true and tender, a passing culture’s boundaries has given age old tradition so much power; that we cannot even be protected by our own fundamental rights of existence…
before being limited by the boxes of our demographic.

I did not know your name; I did not get to see your face…

I will never even get to mourn your absence in this life.

I am stripped down to only being able to mourn you on commission.

For my empathy has been under toned, to only

being able to express life’s loss of you in exhibition.

Titling my exhibition:

HATE CRIME IS IDOLATRY:

Hate crime is nothing but the idolatry of a dictatorships ideology.

________________
About the author

Christie v Z

Christie v Z. in Khayelitsha township. Cape Town (2012)
Photo taken by Zanele Muholi

FossilSoul (Christie van Zyl) is a poet who was born and raised in Kwa-Zulu Natal, a proud Zulu woman and an advocate for personal development, growth and the evolution of humanity. Inspired by raw emotion, expression and vivid connection to evolution, she is moved by grief, loss & struggle and channels her poetry according to the progression of dealing with the natural process of life.

FossilSoul often finds that our divine beings are stifled by our own confusion and emotions, to this she says ‘alignment is the key to all liberty, for constraint comes from contradiction… and the pain it bears only self-inflicted’. She believes in harnessing latent energy through the maintenance and scaling of balance; which she best achieves through alignment of the heart, body, mind, soul and spirit; which she best practices through aligning too her faith, hope, belief and trust in her higher being.

FossilSoul moulds her being according to constantly seeking truth, justice, order, righteousness, transcendence and balance.
She looks to strength, compassion and self-mastery to always constantly maintain humility in order to always be seeking more knowledge and wisdom. FossilSoul is in love with the drums of Africa, which make her tap into the guidance and protection of her ancestors, she believes them to be angels sent from God, but that we too are born to show them the faults of the times they lived, in order to free them so that they too may continue steadfast on the path towards their own Mastery.

A visual, conceptual, performance artist and poet FossilSoul has completed a bridging course in art and design; and has also dipped her foot in an interior design course as well as social development. FossilSoul has part taken in three video productions, namely ‘My Silence’ which was a cry out about women abuse; secondly was ‘Tribe’ which was a preview of movie about love’s origin. Third and lastly FossilSoul participated in production and art direction in a video called ‘Lona Umzimba Wami’ (2011), a production by Zanele Muholi, stating that women should claim their bodies back and not have it only exposed for mass consumption.

FossilSoul has completed a workshop on the skill of making video art at Greatmore Art studios, as well as a cartooning workshop too. In the installation of ‘Transmogrify’ she uses spoken word and motion images to walk a viewer through her mental processes when approaching life.
She uses the dung beetle of the scarab, which is considered in Egypt to be a sign of Life.
Relating to the human process of evolution and being misunderstood in this manner, she highlights the importance of being aware of self in engagement and all aspects of alignment and being; as it is directly attached to one’s cipher and how it is received.
This is her ‘Transmogrify’. All of FossilSoul’s work has its foundation in her poetry

FossilSoul is the co-founder and administrator of on an exhibition called ‘Women’s Journey Exhibition’.
It is the brainchild of Nompumelelo Rakabe (BlackSoul of Art) and it is in celebration of the journey of female artists in South Africa.

FossilSoul recently stumbled upon the desire to create an arts development program that could alleviate the problems faced by the youth of Mzantsi in relation to lack of opportunity, and lack of access to resources. She is currently researching to make a proposal to fund this project, registering a joined effort with Nompumelelo in an art development company named BlackFossilSoul Creations.

 Previous articles:
Links to online works by Christie

Videos on YouTube:
 
Poem on HOLAAfrica blog:
Isilumo Silumile
Poems in Sparkling Women edition no.15 on Facebook: 
Inherent Spaces
Sparkling Women edition no.16  on Facebook
Sensations :
 
WJE Women’s Journey Exhibition Features:
Female journey to heart of City (Polokwane observer online)
The Women’s Journey unleashes dragons. (Limpopo online)
Celebrating Women in the arts with The Women’s Journey Exhibition (Sparkling Women Edition no.15 Facebook)
Column written on Limpopo online:
Christy van Zyl speaks: Limpopo My He(art) edited by Koketso Marishane
 
Blog contributions on Freegender.org
Press conference on Sihle’s Sikhoji’s murder
 
Exactly eleven days ago at the memorial service of Sihle Sikhoji
This entry was posted in Activism, Archived memories, Black Lesbians & Allies Against Hate Crimes, Community, Community Mobilizing, Connections, Crea(c)tive senses, Documentation; Filming; Photography; Community, Networking, Performance, Profile, Readings, Records and histories, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to 2012 Nov. 20: Mourning on commission

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