by Andiswa Dlamini

Part 1
 (you spoke)

Before you spoke to me
Uttered any words, I had no expectations of you
And you had non of me
But when I thought of you
I thought of you as a human being
Breathing this atmosphere of life
I looked at you and saw a man
One that probably takes care of his family
A man that smiles for great success
A man not limited to societies norms
I thought your mind could see beyond the physical
When I looked at you I saw a man
And thought of you as a person who was living in the same reality of this world that I am Before you spoke to me
You briefly looked at my outfit
And concluded that I was a guy
I was sitting on the side so you said you couldn’t see carefully
And when you looked at my chest
And saw my breasts you started to conclude my life for me
You forgot about my mind
And you started to create your own path for me
You said that it was heavenly
And that’s blasphemy
Because my mind doesn’t create a path for me
Where I stand in between crossroads and
Ask to be corrected I do not speak such words
The oxford dictionary in my mind
Has refused this term, that is used to be misused
By arrogance
A term that justifies abuse
A rape that has reason
A rape with intention
A rape with explanation
A printed definition, its written
And I refuse to read that verse
That was created to be accepted, correction
I refuse to read that verse
That was created to be corrected
Before you spoke to me I was not angry
I was having a drink with my friend
Discussing how beautiful love is’ Love’
A word that requires no definition
A word that can’t truly be justified It is defined in different explanations Its intention is written differently in every bodies mind
Before you spoke to me
You were fine
You didn’t have to tell me
That if I were your kid you would treat me differently cause honestly I would never want a father like you I would never want any relation to a man
That has a small mind like you do
You narrow minded prick
I’m trying not to be angry
But the fact that you touched me
Disguises me because I felt you hand
A hand with no powers to create
Only destroy you answered a question for me
Speaking out boldly that I was acting like a guy
Before you spoke to me
I never questioned the fact that I see myself
as a woman
One with a nice haircut And a beautiful smile
A woman that feels uncomfortable in a skirt
And doesn’t see the point in her cleavage
A woman that enjoys sitting naked in her room
Because I’m comfortable in my skin
Before you spoke to me
You concluded my personality
“My act of being a guy”
Because your narrow mind
Believes that only men can please women
Before you spoke to me
I had no intention of educating your mind
And you had no intention for my life
But your purposefully sitting next to me
Hoping that I would reply, respond to your mind.

Part 2
(my reply)

So I replied,
I responded to his mind
And I said;
You narrow minded mother fucker.
You arrogant son of a bitch.
Close minded prick
Your insecurities define you
Let me bring myself to your level
Cause my mind is too broad for you to read
Listen you are nothing but a man
That listens with the head of his dick
Cause that’s what frustrates you
It infuriates you
that I too, want to sleep with women
And I could have said fuck
but what I do to women involves more than just that

I want to provoke your anger so that you know that
I want to touch women
Feel them rub against my skin
Use my finger as a brush to their canvas

As we paint beautiful melodies
That leave us in a tune of climax
But this is still to open for your mind
So let me narrow myself down
You are a man with no dreams
Because dreams have no limitation
And you have limited your mind
I responded and I said;
I’m not a guy, you didn’t hear me say those words
I don’t walk around thinking that I am one
I am a woman in fact that’s the reason why you label me ‘isitabane’
because I’m a woman that loves women
but now you think I walk around speaking to women like you do
let’s play the comparing game
cause that’s what you do
I like women so do you
You fuck women, I please women
You have a dick, I don’t, never needed one
You’re part of the norm, I’m forbidden
Fuck’it cause I don’t really care about you
The truth is my mind is still too high
Still too open to be closed

Its more intelligent
it listens to logic
And it is in touch with common sense
And it only makes sense to tell you
That women love with emotions
And your dick is physical
It can never change the way I feel
So I wrote a part 3
To understand this definition of ‘correction’

Corrective rape

Part 3
(understanding correction)

The dictionary speaks;
“Corrective rape, is a hate crime in which a person is raped because of their perceived sexual or gender orientation
It’s common intended consequence is to ‘correct’
Turn heterosexual
Or to make them “act” in conformity of gender stereotypes
A term coined in South Africa
It is a rape against those who violate social norms
Corrective rape is a reinforcement
Corrective rape and the accompanying of violence can result in physical,
psychological trauma,
HIV infection,
unwanted pregnancy and may contribute to suicide”
This is what I found while browsing through web pages trying to understand this term
So now I speak
Corrective rape is the inadequacy of a man’s life
The pain of emasculation
Corrective rape is the act of forcefully shoving a penis into a vagina
it is accompanied by a fist on the face and the breaking of a rib cage…
it is accompanied by words that were the intention of this rape in the first place
It involves, screams, shouts, shattering cries
It involves helplessness and power (domination)
Corrective rape is a brutal act that is supposed to result in a woman that is supposedly cured of her sexuality cause supposedly you will love a man after that
And a woman will see her peaked fence 2 garages, 2 kids and the man as the head of the family corrective rape is a result of damaging dreams, a stain of emotion
It results in the killing of women contributing to the fear women now have in live freely Corrective rape is accompanied by unknown stories cause many are not willing to speak Many women can’t speak cause they have been silenced
Corrective rape comes with murders
Blood stains on the floor
And these men walk freely on the street

Thinking that they can get away with more
Corrective rape is a term that now justifies an action, somewhat
Making it acceptable because men now have reason
Corrective rape is a term that stands to be corrected cause
I refuse to understand
How sex can change love
I refuse to understand how getting raped
Left raw with a statement cause his words were
I am not man so is this how you show me what a man is?
I refuse to be corrected, correction
I refuse to be used for a man’s inadequacy
For the volume of his mind is too small
For me to understand how he can correct someone that was never wrong.

______________________
About the author
Andiswa Dlamini is a spoken word poet and performance activist from Durban, presently living in Johannesburg after completing her studies in Cape Town.
Read her previous in Blacklooks.org

http://www.blacklooks.org/?s=Andiswa+Dlamini