2013 July 9: “A struggling artist”

by Andiswa Dlamini

Sitting on a chair, with the spotlight on me,
ambient music softly playing in the background,

the music stops as soon as I start to speak.

Hi.

I am an artist

And you know you can’t always say that when you introduce yourself to people so I’ll

Re-introduce myself

Hi.

I am a writer, sounds much better huh?

Or rather should I say I’m a copywriter

Re-introduction

Hi,

 My name is Andiswa Dlamini

I am an artist that loves to write and I have a degree in Copywriting it’s that simple really

and I will tell you my story because you want to know

In grade 2 I fell off the tree

And that memory will always be seen because

I have an upside down small letter E for a scar under my chin

I have two sisters

They are both yellow bones

I started to write my feelings down at a very young age

I’ll skip a couple of years

Basically I came out and I was already standing on stages wanting to be heard

It’s a bummer no-body ever told me

I’d struggle one day

Oh, my bad you should have told me

you wanted to know about me, now.

You should have said so in the beginning

Well right now, I am artist but for some reason

Every time I perform or write a something I don’t get paid so

I guess you can say I am a struggling artist

Cause I’m struggling every day to get my story out because

I imagine it on stage, with good lighting and stuff

I’m not trying to have the speakers bust once I say my first opening line which is the most important of course…

I imagine a full theatre with eyes that will be intrigued, hanging onto my every word like it were the last thing they will ever get to listen to but of course right now I’m struggling because the truth is my pockets are not deep and I will let all my dreams perform in the center stage of my mind.

I want to be heard, I want my work to be seen

Leave a legacy like Audre Lorde because she once said; “your silence will not protect you”

So I will roar and I will be loud

You will hear the roots of my passion speak about the world I see beyond these parallel limitations of life.

“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.”

I wish wrote these words but Ms Audre Lorde, we should give her a round of applause has inspired the mind once again so listen

Mina

I believe that I write to feed my soul

I write to make you see, I want you to feel, comment

I want to feed you with my thoughts

I want poetry to be the platform where my opinion speaks

Of issues that affect my direction or our direction

A poet activist in the making

So roll that camera because I will not stop I will push every wall until someone decides to give me the space to speak my words because I write for life.

I cannot kick around a ball and that is not the only way we can get our country to listen

This country needs to be told, needs to be shown that lesbians are humans with voices

And women can speak loudly

Give me the time, give me the space and you will not only be entertained but informed about what my eyes see, what my ears hear, what my nose smells and the things that I have felt.

I speak with my mind, body and soul.

Zanele Muholi once said; “she cannot give up herself and her soul simply because she needs some exposure”.

And I stand by her statement because although I want to expose my work to the world I will not bend myself to fit the social restrains of this world, I will not squeeze myself to fit the limitations of this parallel life.

Because my voice tells a story that is not only mine, it speaks of a life that we live, a sunrise that we fear because every day the lyrics I hear are frightening. There’s a reason why I look back when I walk because he said he wanted to change me. There’s a reason why I write, a reason why these words are written.

Spotlight switches off.

Previous by Andiswa

2013 July 3: Another fucked up case

and

2013 June 4: emotional confusion of a break-up

and

2013 May 16: Sex

and

2013 May 3: I resent you

and

2013 Feb. 10: Parts

This entry was posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Art Activism in South Africa, Crea(c)tive senses, Power of the Voice, We Are You, We Care, Writing is a Right, Youth voices and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to 2013 July 9: “A struggling artist”

  1. Pingback: 2013 July 31: Contrast of love and hate | inkanyiso.org

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