2013 July 31: Contrast of love and hate

I want you to know how hate feels like against the contrast of love…
I want you to know what making love feels like against the contrast of being fucked,
ripped apart until you reach a moment where you question the existence of God because
I’m sure he didn’t intend for the world to be like this
I’m sure he didn’t see the sin when I was forcefully made to forget him so I couldn’t pray before I met him,
I couldn’t speak when I reached the gates of heaven
I don’t want people to say that it was my time to die because this was no accident,
this was not necessary, this could have been avoided,
this was chosen by a human being who made a conscience decision
to make me bleed and see the light
I want you to know how hate feels like against the contrast of love…
I want you to know what making love feels like against the contrast of being fucked
Taken underneath the blanket of the night
I tell you,
my smile didn’t not exist
My heart couldn’t keep up with its own rhythm
I couldn’t speak only scream,
when he ripped my seams and it seems like he already had a plan for me…
he knew the climax I’m destiny
And he couldn’t stop, even when he saw me…
My breasts were exposed to his chest
I’m sure he felt like I was a woman when he was on top of me
I’m sure he felt like I was a woman when he pushed his way inside of me
I’m sure he knew that I was a woman
I want you to know how hate feels like against the contrast of love…
I want you to know what making love feels like against the contrast of being fucked
My cry, my scream was his motivation to carry on inside of me but I tried to fight him off
Until I thought that I was dead so I just laid there
Until he was pleased, he liked the smell of my iron
So he clinched his fists and punched my face
Distorting my identity, he was cussing me out
Telling me that’s what a man feels like
And I guess his statement made him rise
Cause inside of me he was again
And I had already died
I want you to know how hate feels like against the contrast of love…
I want you to know what making love feels like against the contrast of being fucked,
I want you to know love
I want you to know what making love felt like
On the days before I died…
I want you to know what love felt like underneath the blanket of the night…
because she was spontaneous and allowed me to enjoy her differently my smile could have been seen miles away
I gently touched her, traced my dreams on her back so she could feel what I stood for
I kissed her,
sucking every inch of her past out of her lips just so that she could know what the future tasted like and I kissed her again so that she was reminded of the present and then I traveled from the north to east and lifted the world off her shoulders,
from the east I went south and I awakened unknown dreams and screams it seems that I already knew the climax of our destiny
And again I traveled from the north to the west
I understood the concept of time through the moments when she arched her back and made gang signs with her toes
I want you to know how hate feels like against the contrast of love…
I want you to know what making love feels like against the contrast of being fucked,
I want you to know that I traveled her world
I saw unexplainable waterfalls, I felt rain storms
Her kisses felt like summer rain
The thought of quivering, shivering in her warmth
I was alive
I want you to know how hate feels like against the contrast of love…
I want you to know what making love feels like against the contrast of being fucked,
Hate is for that man that thought I could only see the world through his darkness
Hate is for that man that thinks love is about sex
Hate is for that man that doesn’t understand that God makes you see life in different angles
And those angles were meant to be that way
Hate will always be defeated by love
Because love is God

© Andiswa Dlamini
2013/07/31

Previous by Andiswa

2013 July 9: “A struggling artist”

and

2013 July 3: Another fucked up case

and

2013 June 4: emotional confusion of a break-up

and

2013 May 16: Sex

and

2013 May 3: I resent you

and

2013 Feb. 10: Parts

This entry was posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Art Activism in South Africa, Art Solidarity, Black Lesbians & Allies Against Hate Crimes, Contributors, God's will, Hate Crimes, Lesbian Love Is Possible in South Africa, Prayer, South Africa, Visualizing public spaces, We Are You, Writing is a Right and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to 2013 July 31: Contrast of love and hate

  1. tia says:

    Strong words…

  2. Pingback: Contrast of love and hate by Andiswa Dlamini | memories, dreams, reflections

  3. Pingback: 2013 Sept. 7: I used to be a lesbian | inkanyiso.org

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