2013 Sept. 7: I used to be a lesbian


I used to be lesbian

Let me explain

I use to look at girls in a particular way

Where I could imagine her in the conclusion of each page

Man, I loved women

I used to tease them,
taste them,
feel them,
love them,
fuck them…

I liked all the different shapes of a woman

See, I used to be lesbian

Walk the streets and get defeated by his construction of living life

I used to listen to his thoughts

So I know that every time I walk by

His already undressed me,
and I’d get home and question what he sees

I used to be lesbian

In fact my first heart break was with a woman

And I didn’t know how to handle it so
I became a heart breaker
just so that I could see how others were dealing with the intensity you feel when you’ve lost the love
you thought was the one

Until I found another kind of love

So intense I was afraid to hold her
because I knew I’d be singing songs of eternity

I used to be lesbian

Until one night that tragedy happened to me

And I never saw it coming

I was pinned to the floor

Forced to kiss the ground

it was him…him ontop of me

I was gasping to scream

But his dick couldn’t let me

He was whispering his imaginary scriptures to me

I used to be lesbian

until I looked into his eyes

And saw a beast a site that could never be God’s creation…
this was the work of satan

My cry was his motivational speech

So I laid there in silence

To withstand the violence

And my soul had already left me

I used to be lesbian

But when he left me

I cuddled a big rock

Mother nature was the nearest woman
I could find warmth in

I used to be lesbian

but now my final words

Are on a tomb stone

Because he showed me the power of a man

And I could never love that

So I killed myself because

I knew that I could never stand corrected

It wasn’t one of Shakespeare’s tragedies

This was no love story

I used to be lesbian

But in heaven God said

We are not defined by titles

So now I live as a woman that loves…

© Andiswa Dlamini


Previous by Andiswa

2013 July 31: Contrast of love and hate


2013 July 3: Another fucked up case









This entry was posted in Activism, Art Activism in South Africa, Art is Queer, As we are, Crea(c)tive senses, South Africa, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures, Youth voices and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to 2013 Sept. 7: I used to be a lesbian

  1. Pingback: 2014 Jan. 2: Look at me | inkanyiso.org

  2. Pingback: 2015 March 14: Educational Friday with UCL scholars and allies | inkanyiso.org

  3. Pingback: 2016 April 24: “Only a few people really know my sadness | inkanyiso.org

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