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2014 Oct. 18: With Young Queer Youth Leaders in KwaThema

Posted on October 19, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

2014 Oct 18 Young Queer Activists in KwaThema ft Veronica Noseda_0659

Photo by Liza Mokae (2014)

Spent the day with young queer youth in KwaThema.
Thanks to Lebo Mashifane for organizing the event.

Posted in 20 Years of Democracy in SA, Activists, Activists Act, After party, Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Art Activism, Art Is A Human Right, Art is Queer, Articles, Beauty, Visibility, Visual activism, Visual Activist, Visual democracy, Visual diaries, Visual history, Visual history is a Right not a luxury, Visual Language, Visual narratives, Visual Power, Visual sense, Visual Voices, Warmth, We Are You, We Care, We love photographs, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here | Leave a comment

2014 Oct. 17: SA Fashion Week photo of the night

Posted on October 19, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

Ally & Toya DaLezy @ SA Fashion Week, Crowne Plaza, Rosebank.
© Zanele Muholi (2014)

Posted in 20 Years of Democracy in SA, 2014 SA Fashion Week, Abantu, Act, Acting, Activists Act, Affair, Allies, Ally & Toya DaLezy, Another Approach Is Possible, Art Activism, Art Activism in South Africa, Article, Articles, Articulation, Artists, Arts, Arts & Culture, As we are, Attention, Beautiful, Beautiful faces, Beautiful people, Before US, Before You, Black Queer & Gifted, Blackness, Bringing photography to the community, Captioned, Captured, Caring citizens, Celebrating Women, Celebration, Characters, Citizenship, Claiming mainstream spaces, Class, Consideration, Conversation, Creating awareness, Culture of reading and writing, Dress sense, Emotional support, Empowerment, Event, Evidence, Excitement, Experience, Exploration, Expression, Fashion, Fashionista, Feelings, Female Photographers, Friends, Friendships, Gender articulation, Gender expression, He(ART), Health bodies, Honesty, Hope, Human Beings, Human rights, I can't do it ALONE, I was (T)here, I was here, Interpretation, Intervention, Knowledge, Label, Life, Life story, Living, Love, Love is a human right, Love is Queer, Loved, Mainstream media, Photographs, Photography, Photography as a therapy, Platform, Politics of existence, Politics of representation, Power of the Arts, Power of the Voice, Pride, Privilege, Proud to be, Race, Recognition, Reflections, Relationships, relative, Self-worth, Sexual orientation, Sexuality in South Africa, Sharing knowledge, Sharing thoughts, She, South Africa, Speaking for ourselves, Statement, Style, Time, Together we can, Togetherness, Touch, Visibility, Vision, Visual Activist, Visual Arts, Visual diaries, Visual history, Visual history is a Right not a luxury, Visual Language, Visual Power, Visual sense, Visual Voices, Visualizing public spaces, Visuals, We Are You, We Care, We love photographs, We Love Photography, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here, Well organized event, When Love is a Human Right | Leave a comment

2014 Oct. 15: Dignified funeral for LGBTI and HIV activist

Posted on October 17, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

by Lerato Dumse

Kind, compassionate, diligent and loving are some of the words used by speakers, to describe Musa Williams (47).

How he performed his duties at work, and his activism fighting for the rights of LGBTI and HIV positive people.

They were talking during his funeral on Wed. October 15, held at his home in Kwa-Thema, where he died suddenly a week before.

The funeral service started with less than 10 people, who sang in the lounge where Musa’s coffin stood.

People were then given an opportunity to view him for the last time, before moving to the tent where the full program was carried out.

Fani Masemula was first to talk, speaking on behalf of the family.

He said they were saddened by Musa’s passing, but realised it is the community he helped that has suffered the biggest loss.

Next on the program was a neighbor Sibusiso who said, Musa was a brother and a friend to him.

He added that Musa taught him how to handle tough times, and Musa’s passing is his first test at handling such a situation.

Nontyatyambo Makapela shared memories of Musa, when he joined them in establishing TAC in KwaThema.

How he used his own resources to mobilize people, even though he was part of the National Association of People Living with HIV and AIDS (NAPWA).

She said that was testament of Musa’s passion in helping those affected by HIV in his community.

Just like the meaning of his name, Nontyatyambo said she saw him practice kindness in other people’s lives.

Mrs Thokozile Khulwane preaching during the funeral service…

“Musa had characteristics of a leader, he was able to save many lives and prove that HIV doesn’t kill, but societal stigma does,” she concluded.

While long time friend, Sevi Makhonjwa said Musa’s life purpose was to serve people and “God must be giving him a lots of correct ticks because he stepped up to his call.”

Sevi spoke about how they were together with Musa burying another friend and activist Manku Maduwane just last month, not far from Musa’s home.

With the funeral service at home wrapped up, mourners then proceeded to Vlakfontein Cemetery.

Pastor T. Moema who prayed at the funeral service of Musa Williams

2014 Oct. 15 Lindeka Qampi @ Musa s place_9673

Lindeka Qampi, photographer who documented the service for Inkanyiso

Members of the LGBTI community, HIV activists and colleagues he worked with as community health care workers, marched some distance in front of the hearse singing.

There was a slight drizzle, which looked threatening when mourners arrived at the cemetery.
However this did not disrupt the smooth service, as the sun soon came out shining.

While some worked hard with spades to cover Musa’s grave, others continued singing, saying their final goodbye to a man they called IQHAWE!

Musa’s coffin wrapped with blue blanket as a sign of respect for the late activist…

Young queer leaders and activists from KwaThema and surrounding areas came in full support…

Final resting place for Musa, “You’ll never be forgotten…” © Photos by Zanele Muholi (2014)

Previous article

2014 Oct. 13: Mother of the recently murdered lesbian demands justice

and

2014 Sept. 28: An emotional farewell for the recent victim of hate crime

and

2014 Sept. 8: Manku and her niece buried next to each other

Posted in 1967 - 2014, 20 Years of Democracy, Acceptance, Acceptance speeches, Act, Activism, Activists, Advocacy, Allies, Alternative family, Article by Lerato Dumse, Before US, Before You, Black, Body, Bonding, Bringing photography to the community, Career, Caring citizens, Celebration, Challenging the un-African homosexuality, Characters, Chief mourner, Claiming, Claiming blackness, Claiming mainstream spaces, Coffin, Collaborations, Collectivism, Commemoration, Confession, Connected souls, Connections, Consideration, Contributors, Conversation, Counseling sessions, Crea(c)tive senses, Creating awareness, Cultural activists, Death, Delegation, Democracy, Description, Dignity, Discomfort, Discussion, Education, Ekurhuleni East Counsellors, Elegance, Emotional support, Empowerment, English, EPOC lgbti, EPOC on Inkanyiso, Evidence, Exchanging Queer thoughts, Experience, Expertise, Exploration, Exposure, Expression, Facilitators, Families and Friends, Family, Family loss, Family support, Farewell, Fashion, Female Photographers, Friendships, Funeral costs, Future, Gay, Gender distinction, Gender expression, Generations, Gratitude, He(ART), Healing, Health, Health bodies, Health matters, Heartbreak, HIV activist, Human rights, Hurt, I am not the only one, I am Somebody, I can't do it ALONE, I love photography, I use CANON, I was (T)here, I was here, I-N-K-A-N-Y-I-S-O, Ignorance, Inkanyiso media, KwaThema, LGBTI losing another informed activist, Life lived, Members of NAPWA, Musa Williams funeral, Not a hate crime death, Pain, Pastor Tebogo Moema, Photos by Lindeka Qampi and Zanele Muholi, Questioning, Questions & Answers, Real, Reason, Recognition, recognized, Records and histories, Supporters, Supporting each other, Supportive friends and families, Warmth, We Are You, We Care, We love photographs, We Love Photography, We were (t)here, Well organized funeral, Women's power, Words, Writing is a Right, Years | Leave a comment

2014 Oct. 15: “Young, Gifted and Gay”

Posted on October 16, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

by Lerato Ntlatlane-Malibe

It is funny how as people we are covered by different labels. When people discover that I am gay, comments I normally receive are “but you are so feminine and pretty”.

Really!
As a writer/columnist for a certain newspaper; there was point where I felt like writing these articles was getting me nowhere. But when I was about to give up, someone would come asking for my help. That encouraged me, and made me realise that out of a hundred negative comments I receive, there is one that is positive- and I will keep on writing for that one positive comment I receive.

As gay people we experience a lot of prejudice, it breaks us at times. But one thing that we are honest with ourselves. There is no better way to live your life than being true to yourself. People often ask us to explain our past, to explain our children forgetting that self discovery is a journey, and a journey that takes a million steps. In those steps you make mistakes, in those steps you realise that somethings are not for you and after that you hunt for who you are. In those steps we fall, we get up, we run, we get weary but journey on.

I want to tell everyone in the gay community that they might gossip about us but we are honest about who we are.

We are honest about our identity. So raise your head and walk with pride.
Do not let anyone pull you down, because they cannot handle your living an honest life.
Do not let anyone make you feel inferior because they are ignorant and choose not to understand.
We did not create ourselves, we did not choose to be gay and we will not hide ourselves. We did not commit any crime, we did not murder anyone we are just answering nature’s call on how to live our lives.

I had a problem with being labelled. But with time these labels made me work harder. These labels made me walk tall. These labels made me answer my natural and spiritual calling. People who call me names start realising that these names are not my education, my character, my spirituality and my overall being.

I always thank God that he gave me the wisdom to come to terms with who I am. He is the one who created me to be. I am thankful that I don’t have to love and live my life in secret. This is who I am. I am young, I am gifted and I am proudly LESBIAN…..

About the author: I am proud that I am gay, because people say “wow but you are such a lady”. I am proud I am a spiritual healer, because people say “wow but you are so young and so pretty”. I am proud that I am mother, because people say “wow but you married to a woman”. I am proud that I am a writer and a performing poet because people say “wow you look so clean”. I am proud that I confuse the stereo type mind of this world.

Previous articles by Lerato

2014 March 5: Lesbian Femmes and Bags

Posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Arguments, Article, Articulation, As we are, Attention, Awareness workshops, Background, Black Lesbian, commit, Creating awareness, Education, Empowerment, Evidence, Experience, Exposure, Expression, Facing You, Feelings, Female being, Feminine, Friends, Friendships, Gender expression, Gender naming, God, Grateful, Gratitude, Homosexuality, Human Beings, Human body, Human rights, I Am, I am Somebody, I can't do it ALONE, I was (T)here, Identity, Ignorance, Intervention, Journey, Knowledge, Label, Language, Lerato Ntlatlane-Malibe, Love, Love is a human right, Loved, Lovely words, Mainstreaming our queer issues, Married, Memory, Our lives in the picture, Prejudice, Pride, Proud lesbian, Proud to be, South Africa, Warmth, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here, When Love is a Human Right, Words, Writing is a Right, Young | 2 Comments

2014 Oct. 13: Mother of the recently murdered lesbian demands justice

Posted on October 14, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

Text by Lerato Dumse
Photos by Zanele Muholi

A suspect is due to appear in the Tsakane Magistrate Court today (October 14), in connection with the fatal stabbing of Phumzile Nkosi (27) on October 2, 2014.

Pastor Dlamini led the funeral service…

Members of Daveyton Uthingo, were there to grieve with the family and friends, standing in front Funo, Pride, Pearl, Sicka and Lesiba.

Musa Williams from EPOC LGBTI spoke deeply at the funeral…

Activists came to support the grieving family…

Miriam Nkosi, the victim’s mother arriving at Vlakfontein cemetery…

Malindi & Nontyatyambo_9434

Family support and coffin_9405

Phumzile Nkosi s coffin_9457

phumzile laid to rest_9487

Welcome to Tsakane_9605

Phumzile, a lesbian mother of two boys aged 8 and 9years old, was laid to rest at Vlakfontein cemetery, after a service at home on October 12.

For Miriam Nkosi (54) the funeral of her youngest child meant she had buried four children, three of them killed in violent crimes.

Miriam says she was fetched from her house around 7pm and told that Phumzile had been stabbed in Extension 19, Tsakane, not far from her section in the same township.

When /Inkanyiso visited the family, before documenting the funeral, Miriam only had second hand information, on what happened to her daughter that fateful lateThursday afternoon.

She explained that Phumzile had left home earlier that day and said she was going to visit a friend.

Miriam says she arrived in Ext 19 to find her daughter lying on the street, facing up and dead, while people surrounded her from a distance.

She says it was when she turned her over that she saw the stab wound, while hearing a policeman demand the cloth, used to clean Phumzile’s blood in the house she was allegedly stabbed from, before being moved her to the street.

She added that she wants justice for Phumzile’s death.

abazalwane_9472

linda mankazana_9540

Phumzile Nkosi_9603 Rest in peace… Phumzile Nkosi…
We will always remember you!!!

Posted in 'We live in fear', 20 Years of Democracy in SA, a black lesbian, Abantu, Acceptance, Activists, Addiction, African, African Queer Beauty, Alternative family, an LGBTI organisation, Anger, Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Archiving Queer Her/Histories in SA, Art Activism, Articles, Articulation, Attention, Audience, Background, Beautiful, Beautiful faces, Beautiful people, Beauty, Before US, Before You, Begging, Being conscientized, Bereavement, Betrayal, Black bodies, Black Bodies of Silence, Black Lesbian, Black lesbian activism, Black Lesbian mother, Black lesbian murder, Black Lesbians, Black Queer Born Frees in South Africa, Bleeding, Body Politics, Brutal murders of black lesbians in SA, Brutality, Church is not the closet, Claiming, Claiming blackness, Claiming mainstream spaces, Coffin, Corruption, Court appearance, Creating awareness, Crime, Crime rate, Crimes, Daveyton Uthingo, EPOC lgbti, Evidence, Facilitation, Facilitators, Facing abuse and violation, Families and Friends, Family loss, Family support, Feelings, Friendships, Funeral, Gauteng, Gender articulation, Gender Based Violence (GBV)., Gender expression, Generations, Hate Crimes, Heroes of our struggle, Homosexuality, Honesty, Human Beings, Human rights, Humiliation, I can't do it ALONE, I was (T)here, I was here, I-N-K-A-N-Y-I-S-O, Inconsiderate, Independence, Johannesburg, Killer is another woman, Language, Legacies of Violence, Lerato Dumse, Lesbian Love Is Possible in South Africa, Mourning love, Songs of Freedom, South Africa, Stabbed to death, Tears, Tsakane, Violent crime, We Are You, We Care, We Love Photography, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here, What black lesbian youth wants, When home is a crime scene, When Love is a Human Right, young women, Young Women and Visual Activism, Youth, Youth voices | 4 Comments

2014 Oct. 13: The most exquisite Miss & Mr Gay Daveyton 2014

Posted on October 14, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

by Lerato Dumse

Sitting in a high chair and waiting for the pageant to start, Mapaseka Mthunzi braved the cold Friday night weather, to watch her daughter Sharon “Sicka Star-Ban”.

Sicka is one of the fourteen participants in the third Mr & Miss Gay Daveyton 2014, which took place on October 3, Two tone a popular lounge from the township.

Mapaseka says accepting and supporting her lesbian daughter, as well as showing how proud she is as her mother, made her come to the event.

She shares that its also part of Sicka Star-ban’s birthday presents, having celebrated her 20th birthday recently.

“I want to see how the LGBTI community lives, because what is important to my child like this pageant, is also important to me,” adds Mapaseka.

While Jos’phine Thebyane and her three daughters occupied the front row seats, ready to show support to younger sister Christina “PR Chrissie”.

Jos’phine says she supports her daughter, because being lesbian is her choice.

She said other children end up committing suicide because of families not being supportive of their sexual orientation.

While Kgomotso Mashapa’s mother said it was her first time watching her child on the ramp, participating in the Miss Gay Daveyton category.

The winners are: (Left to Right) Thabo Mathenjwa, Kgomotso Mashapha and Somizy Sincwala.

Kgomotso’s mother reveals that she also entered beauty pageants such as Miss Daveyton and Miss Ellerines in the 80s, and was crowned as a 2nd princess.

After doing an introduction wearing their casual wear, contestants surprised and impressed the audience, when they walked on stage wearing African traditional regalia from the ÍsiZulu, Siswati, SePedi culture and African tribal print.

Organiser, Lesiba Mothibe says the traditional wear made its debut to the show as part of the 20years of Heritage celebrations in South Africa.

Lesiba adds that it is also to dispel myths that homosexuals are not African.

“I saw the pride on the contestants as they walked on stage,” continues Lesiba.

She explains that hosting this pageant is part of her activism.

“I’m saying to people of Ekurhuleni Municipality, we are here to stay and living proof that God continues to bless us, which is evidenced in the many talents we have in our LGBTI community,” Lesiba says.

The first Miss Gay Daveyton was hosted in 2003, with Lesiba taking home the title.

It was only in 2013 that the second one was held, and Lesiba says it took her three years to plan for it.

Making personal sacrifices is required when organising an event with a limited budget, she adds.

Elaborating on her passion for showing the existence of feminine gay men and transwomen.

Echoing her sentiments, fellow organiser, Nomsa Themba talks about the pressure of helping to organise a pageant.

She outlines finding the right venue, the ramp, marketing the event and working with contestants and their different characters, as one of the major challenges.

Labelz Glamore was able to keep the audience in stitches with her witty humor, as MC of the event.

Vuvu Nhlanhla Siphiwe_1500
The contestants looked elegant in their evening wear.
Lesiba explained that its about glamor, and to show how they will look when attending red carpet events.

Lesiba said the pageant needs a Queen who can carry the baton forward as well as a King who can stand up against hate crime.

After contestants were asked randomly selected questions, it was time to crown the winners.

Posted in Act, Acting, Activism, Affair, African, African Queer Beauty, Allies, Alternative family, Announcement, Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Arguments, Art Activism, Art Activism in South Africa, Art Edutainment, Articulation, Arts, Arts & Culture, As we are, Beautiful, Beautiful faces, Beautiful people, Beauty, Beauty pageantry, Beauty pageants, Beauty queens, Before US, Blackness, Body Politics, Captioned, Captured, Caring citizens, Celebrating Youth Month in SA, Celebration, Citizenship, Crea(c)tive senses, Creating awareness, Creative Writing, Cultural activists, Culture, Culture of reading and writing, Daveyton Ekurhuleni Municipality., Daveyton township, Delegation, Democracy, Discussion, Gender activist, Gender articulation, Gender distinction, Gender naming, Heartbreak, Hearts, Homosexuality, Hope, Human Beings, Human body, Human rights, I can't do it ALONE, I love photography, I was (T)here, Miss & Mr Gay Daveyton 2014 | 6 Comments

2014 Oct. 13: See you @ Upcoming Mbokodo Awards 2014

Posted on October 13, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

2013 winners in the different categories are as follows:

1. Women in Indigenous Art: Peki Emmelinah “Nothembi” Mkhwebane

2. Promotion of Language and Story Telling: Nthabiseng Sibanda

3. Creative Writing: Devarakshanam Betty Govinden

4. Poetry: Myesha Jenkins

5. Fashion Design and Innovation: Vanessa Gounden

6. Creative Photography: Zanele Muholi

7. Painting: Catherine Christie

8. Sculpture: Nandhipa Mntambo

9. Dance: Tebogo Kgobokoe

10. Opera: Pretty Yende

11. Theatre: Thembi Mtshali-Jones

12. Women In Jazz: Siya Makuzeni

13. Music: Simphiwe Dana

14. Promotion of Arts in the Media: Lore Watterson

15. Arts Ambassador: Lira

16. Women in New Media: Pam Warne

17. Architecture and Creative Design: Kate Otten

18. Women in Film: Helena Spring

19. Comedy: Tumi Morake

20. Miriam Makeba Achievement Award: Sathima Bea-Benjamin

Posted in 11 South African official languages, 20 Years of Democracy, 20 Years of Democracy in SA, 2013 Mbokodo awards winners, 2014 Mbokodo awards, Acceptance, Acceptance speeches, Act, Acting, Activism, Activists, Activists Act, Affair, African Queer Beauty, Allies, Alternative career choices, Announcement, Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Art Activism, Art Activism in South Africa, Art Edutainment, Art for Humanity, Art Is A Human Right, Articles, Articulation, Artist Talk, Arts & Culture, As we are, Audience, Background, Beautiful, Beautiful faces, Beautiful people, Beauty, Before US, Before You, Body Politics, Captioned, Captured, Caring citizens, Categories, Celebrating Women, Celebration, Characters, Choice, Collaborations, Collective, Collectivism, Comfort, Comments from the audience, Commitment, Committed, Communication strategies, Community, Community based media, Community education, Community Mobilizing, Community organizing, Community outreach, Connected souls, Connections, Consideration, Contests, Conversation, Creating awareness, creative artist, Description, Discussion, Dress code, Elegance, Emotional support, Empowerment, Evidence, Excitement, Exhibition, Exhibitions, Experience, Expertise, Exposure, Expression, Facing You, Families and Friends, Family support, Fashion, Feelings, Friends, Function, Future, Gender articulation, Gender expression, Generations, Gift, Gifts, Gratitude, Health bodies, Human Beings, Hurt, I can't do it ALONE, I love photography, Independence, Influenced, Interpretation, Intervention, Interviews, Invitation, Kyalami Business Park, Lessons learnt, Liberation, Life, Living, Love, Loved, Lovely words, Loving, Media works, Memories, Memory, Messages of support, Midrand, My body, Networking, Opinion, Our lives in the picture, Out, Participant, Participation, Perception, photographers, Photographs, Photography, Politics of existence, Politics of representation, Portrait, Poster, Power of the Voice, Presentation, Privilege, Proud to be, Publication, Readings, Real, Realization, Reason, Recognition, recognized, Reflection, Reflections, Relationship, Remembering, Reports, Respect, Respect & Recognition from our community, Respected person, Response, South African Women in the field of Arts & Culture, Visuals, Woman, Women in South African Arts, Women's power, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures, Words, Zanele Muholi, Zanele Muholi is the winner, Zulu is a South African language | Leave a comment

2014 Oct. 10: “I tried to commit suicide…”

Posted on October 11, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

I didn’t write this because I had nothing better to do.

I didn’t write this because I want recognition.

I wrote this because I’m embarking on a self-discovery journey.

I want to share my experience with the hope that you learn from it.

I wrote because I want to warn people that relate to my story.

I survived RAPE more than once!

I know how it feels to be an addict.

I wrote because I know how it feels to be given a second chance.

I want to let you know that you’re not alone, God is always there.

Lastly: Because I’m grateful to the Almighty, Mother, my better half and friends.

HERE IS MY STORY

My name is Sibahle ‘Steve’ Nkumbi, I’m a recovering alcohol addict. I was never able to say “No” to alcohol, until I had to make a choice to kick the habit or die trying.

I never thought I had an addictive gene.
Growing up I hated alcohol with a passion.
Five years later since I started drinking I realized where my problem with alcohol came from. Some say an addictive gene is just an excuse to abuse substances, some say it is real and I say “It is scary and destructive”.
Hear me now beautiful people. The ones I’ve hurt through my addiction, hurting you was never my intention. Far from it!

As a child after matric I left to study with a dream of owning my own production company one day.
My first year at varsity was a breeze and I saw my future from there. Little did I know that I was my own biggest enemy.
I became weak to peer pressure and couldn’t stand my own ground. I resisted until mid-2009, everything changed from then up until now.

It all started with an innocent sip ‘to have a taste and see how alcohol made me feel’ before I knew it I was on my 4^th glass of wine and from that day onwards I was hooked.

My first drunken stupor was an adventure; my friends and I plus my girlfriend from then drank and went to a bash on campus.

That’s where things started to get confusing, I felt dizzy and the lights plus the music did something to my movement and balance. All was a blur after that.

I woke up the next morning, realized I was in my room but there was someone next to me, my heart started to beat faster as I took the covers of their face. I felt a sense of relief when I discovered it was my partner.
I couldn’t move my feet, there were traces of blood on the floor and then my heart started to race again. The infamous question followed ‘what happened last night?’
I couldn’t remember anything and I discovered that I got so drunk the previous night to a point where I walked bare feet on broken glass so that explained the pain when I tried to move my feet.

I vowed to never touch the substance again.

It wasn’t long before my next drinking session and then I got used to it so much that it became a weekend thing from a weekend thing to every day drinking. I couldn’t go to class without a glass of wine. I still wasn’t aware that it was getting dangerous, I got introduced to different kinds of alcohol made drinking buddies and even went ekasi in taverns. I realized I had a problem when my alcohol intake created problems in my relationship. I started to not care about my schoolwork, the girl I claimed to love and the mother that worked so hard to send me to school.

Through alcohol I became the devil’s advocate. I have always vowed for sober habits and monogamy…
Oh wait, that was before I became a substance abuser.

In a blink of an eye, the Steve I knew was gone. I started flirting occasionally with pretty girls in the club and on campus until it became cheating. I cheated until I got caught. I promised to change but I kept going back to alcohol until she left me (my partner). I started to resent Baby Eyes (the woman I got caught with more than twice).
I became lonely and alcohol was my only comforter, I then made friends with the wrong people and drank some more until one of my male friends tried to rape me; I managed to fight him off and made a run for it.

Instead of letting alcohol go I distanced myself from male friends and continued drinking.
It wasn’t long before I had my second attempted rape and I was saved by my period, he managed to take my pants off but after seeing the blood he couldn’t proceed. I survived that too.

Trauma made me drink more, eventually I became depressed. The depression took three years, after three psychologists, I became destructive again. I had an affair with one of them and we started drinking together instead of having counseling sessions.

A near death bike collision with a car brought my senses back and I stopped drinking for a while.

I started again the minute I got off my anti-depressants thinking I had it under control but I didn’t.

I knew I relapsed when I lost my job but I was in denial, by 2012 I bounced back and took control of my life and drank occasionally, it went well until mid-2013. I picked up where I left off, I had a bad year and stress was overwhelming and so I drank, it hurt my current partner again and I saw the pain in her eyes. I was on and off alcohol but I still had my partner on my side.

It is now 2014 and a life changing event took me off alcohol, I tried to commit suicide but I was caught in time. I could not deal with the guilt, shame and pain I was feeling. I prayed until I cried so hard that it took me two hours to stop the tears.

Right there and then I decided to stop, it is not easy but it can be done. I was not going to let history repeat itself, I took charge and shamed the devil.

You might be asking why it took so much for me to stop

I had Daddy issues:

I grew up with both my parents and my dad was an alcoholic, he still is. I resented him for putting alcohol first, I am 24 years now and I don’t remember seeing him sober as a little girl. He had empty promises. My inner child was still bleeding. I never forgot the day he was supposed to get me a bicycle, he drank the money and came back to me with only 4rands without the bicycle and he was drunk as a sailor. I was only 11 years but I remember it like it was yesterday, it broke my heart.

The fact that he could buy me beer now that I was older, but was never able to pay for my tuition fees hurt me again because I realised he will never put his obligations first.
I lashed out at my Mom for marrying him, knowing exactly that she did it for my siblings and me so we can grow up with both parents.
It was a scar for life, I sat and realised I was becoming like my Dad and I got up and prayed for strength to stop. My little brother is a drug addict at the age of 19, I’m afraid for him. I was also 19 when I started drinking. Still, my father sees nothing wrong in his actions. The moment I made peace with my life was the exact time I healed inside and decided to turn my life around. I’m still working on it. I’m positive about the future and strong again. I thank God for the strength. All I had to do was to accept the past, face my demons and deal with my inner child. It took me 5 years of destructivity and addiction to come to this point, life is never easy. We live and learn. I’m planning on getting myself a bicycle soon.

Throughout my addiction I did things I never thought I was capable of:

I stole my Mother’s hard earned money for alcohol
I neglected my Partner’s tears, feelings and Love
Hurting my Mom to a point that she wanted to leave her own house
I had anger management issues
I physically hit the woman I claimed to love (I’m not proud of it)

No amount of apologies can make up for all the hearts I have broken, people’s sanities I’ve destroyed and my Neurological problems. Because of substance abuse I developed a brain tumour but was detected in time. I admit I was wrong and I sincerely apologise to all my loved ones from the bottom of my heart. Mother blamed herself, thinking she never gave me enough love and all along I had my demons to face.

Addiction is not a life sentence. If you are addicted please seek help. It’s never too late I testify. I am not proud of my past but I have forgiven myself. I am moving on now, in pursuit of my production company.

P.S. Substance abuse is deadly. I’m speaking from experience.

2014 Aug. 14 Sibahle & Christie PARKTOWN

Thanks to Noxolo Nkumbi and Christie van Zyl. Your amazing support time and time again made me who I am today. I’m eternally grateful.

2014 Oct. 8: Beautiful faces and kisses from Soweto Pride 2014

Posted on October 8, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

Deli Mavuso & friend_6543

Anza Khaba & friend_6593

friendships1_6590

Life is_6599
Tebogo SlyPod_6615

Londeka & Dikeledi_6647

Maureen & Smanga_6788

Nox & friend_6813

friends & lovers_6821

Leptie & friend_6835

friends _ style_6834

Soweto Pride kisses_6531

Jabu WATTVILLE_6861

Bathini & friend_6878

Norah & friend_6885

TP & friends_6517

beauties1_6485

Posted in 10th Soweto Pride, 20 Years of Democracy, Acceptance, Acceptance speeches, Act, Acting, Activism, Activists, Activists Act, Adoring, After party, Allies, Alternative career choices, Alternative family, an LGBTI organisation, Anger, Announcement, Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Archiving Queer Her/Histories in SA, Arguments, Art Activism, Art Activism in South Africa, Art for Humanity, Art Is A Human Right, Art is Queer, Art Solidarity, Art Therapy, Article, Articles, Articulation, Artist Talk, Artists, Arts, As we are, Attention, Awareness workshops, Background, Baring, Before US, Before You, Begging, Being conscientized, Black Lesbian Love, Black lesbian mothers, Black lesbian visibility, Black lesbians in remote areas in South Africa, black LGBTIQA, Black Queer & Gifted, Black Queer Artists, Black Queer Born Frees, Black Queer Born Frees in SA townships, Body, Cameras, Captioned, Captured, Caring citizens, Celebrating Women, Celebration, Challenging the un-African homosexuality, Characters, Charismatic, Citizenship, Claiming, Claiming blackness, Claiming mainstream spaces, Collaborations, Collective, Collectivism, Comfort, Comment, Comments from the audience, Commitment, Committed, Communication strategies, Community, Community based media, Community education, Community Mobilizing, Community organizing, Community outreach, Community work, Complicated Lesbian Relationships, Confrontation, Connected souls, Connections, Consideration, Contestants, Contests, Contributors, Conversation, Crea(c)tive senses, Creating awareness, Creative Writing, Creativity, Cultural activists, cultural worker, Culture, Culture of reading and writing, Delegation, Democracy, Demonstration, Details, Different positions, Dignity, disappearance, discourse, Discussion, Documentary, Documentation; Filming; Photography; Community, Documenting our own lives, Documenting realities of the townships, Dress sense, Dyke, Edited, Education, Emotional support, Empowerment, Evidence, Exchanging Queer thoughts, Excitement, Experience, Expertise, Exploration, Expression, Facilitators, Facing You, Feelings, Female Photographers, Food, Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW), Freedom of being, Friendships, Future, Gender articulation, Gender Equality, Gender expression, Gender naming, Gender performance, Generations, Give children cameras not candies, Give credits where it is due, God Fearing people, Gratitude, Gratitude to my lover, Hate crimes Victims names, History, Human Beings, Human rights, I can't do it ALONE, I love photography, I use CANON, I was (T)here, I was here, I-N-K-A-N-Y-I-S-O, Identity, Independence, Influenced, Inkanyiso crew, Interpretation, Intervention, Interviews, Invisibility, Issues, Kiss, Know Your SA Queer History, Knowledge, Lack of Resources, Language, Legacies of Violence, Lesbian Professionals, Lesbian Youth, Lesbianism, Lessons learnt, Let us give a girl child a chance, LGBT community, LGBT rights activist, LGBTI community, lgbti issues in South Africa, LGBTIs in Africa, Life, Living, Lost Lives, Love, Love is a human right, Love is Queer, Loved, Lovely words, lover, Loving, Luxury, Mainstream media, Mainstreaming our queer issues, Matters of the He(Art), Media works, Memories, Moments in herstory, Moments in our history, Motivation, My body, Networking, Open relationships, Opening remarks, Our lives in the picture, Our Zulu Pride, Queer poetics, Queer Power, Queer South Africa, Queer texts, Queer visibility, Queer Youth, queerity, question of history., Questioning, Questions & Answers, Reflection, Reflections, Related links, Relationship, Relationship with own body, Relationships, relative, Remembering, Respect, Respect & Recognition from our community, Respected person, Response, Reviving the culture of reading and writing, revolution, Sadness, Safety, South African Visual Activism, Speaking for ourselves, Stage, Statement, Struggle Songs, Struggling, Struggling activist, Style, Subject of Art, Support, Supporters, Supporting each other, Supportive friends and families, Teaching young women photography, Tears, together, Together we can, Togetherness, Touch, Townships, Translation, Trust, Visual Arts, Visual democracy, Visual diaries, Visual historical initiative, Visual history, Visual history is a Right not a luxury, Visual Language, Visual narratives, Visual Power, Visual sense, Visual Voices, Visualizing public spaces, Warmth, We Are You, We Care, We love photographs, We Love Photography, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here, Well organized event, What black lesbian youth wants, When Love is a Human Right, Wishing you well, Women loving women, Women who have sex with Women, Women's power, Women's Pride, Women's struggles, Women's Work, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures, Womenonwomen, Womyn, Words, Writing is a Right, Years, Young black female photographers, Young Black Women and Photography, Young female photographers from Aurora, Young talent, young women, Young Women and Visual Activism, Youth, Youth voices | 10 Comments

2014 Oct. 7: Rain without You

Posted on October 7, 2014 by inkanyiso2009

You’re not here tonight
You chose to send me the rain though
When it rains without you, I still feel you

When it rains you are usually the first to smile
and find peace no matter how crazy life is
Tonight it is raining and you are not here
I am finding peace
The peace of feeling you beside me
Because tonight you chose to send me the rain
When it rains without you

Tonight it is raining and you are not here
But you have chosen to reach into the deepest parts of me
and make me smile,
so special in your absence
Because tonight you have chosen to send me the rain
Zanemvula
Even though I seldom sleep when I am without you
Tonight sleep urges me like the ebb and flow of the ocean
I feel you next to me
Because you chose to send me the rain
I am because you’ll Be
The dwelling and the being

When it rains without you.

The pitter patter of the rains fall so easily onto the shoulders of my rest
They claim their throne in my beckoning of your presence
just to be submerged in the joy you be when it rains
You held me tight last night
when my soul rained to you
and you so gracefully showered yourself in me
because all you wanted me to know is that you are here for me

Tonight you chose to send me the rain
You kissed my heart with beauty
as I submit to the rain it is basking me in the rays of your healing feed
I am one with the rain in you and the rain that you are
There is rain dance tickling the core of me
Tonight you chose to send me the rain

The rain has stopped
Baby come back to me…

When it rains without you…
I am humbly reminded of how deep my love is for you

When it rains without you…
I want to keep on writing but it stopped
You are still with me when it rains

The rains stopped
Baby come back to me
I plead…
When the rains stopped I lost my words.

When it rains without you…

The rain came back
The beating drums inside me have subsided
Tonight you chose to send me the rain
so that I do not feel the void of your absences

You came back to me
I am palm to palm with you
The connection is stable
Your energy is permanent now
You came back to me
You chose to be with me
Tonight you sent me the rain
Butterflies are cooping up inside me
There you go again sounding your essence in harmonies

with the rains softening and scattering
Taking my heart on a magic carpet ride
Tonight you chose to send yourself to me through the rain
Yes you have shown me an entire world of a moment prolonged
I am consoled…

I am humbly reminded of how deep your love is for me…

When it rains without you!

By Christie van Zyl
© 2014

Previous by Christie

2014 Sept. 30: Nature pains

Posted in "Sizo Phumelela", Christie van Zyl, Expression, Friendship, Girlfriend, Hearts, Love, Reflection, Relationship, Seeing difference, Self portraits, Self recognition, Self-worth, Sexuality, Sexuality in South Africa, Sharing, Sharing knowledge, Sharing thoughts, social activist, Solidarity, South Africa, South African art, South African Artists, South African Visible Arts, Statement, Support, Warmth, Woman, Women loving women, Words | 2 Comments

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inkanyiso.org

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2014 Oct. 15: Dignified funeral for LGBTI and HIV activist

2014 Oct. 15: “Young, Gifted and Gay”

2014 Oct. 13: Mother of the recently murdered lesbian demands justice

2014 Oct. 13: The most exquisite Miss & Mr Gay Daveyton 2014

2014 Oct. 13: See you @ Upcoming Mbokodo Awards 2014

2014 Oct. 10: “I tried to commit suicide…”

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