2014 Sept. 24: “At times I’d get jealous thinking she was taking my place”


My name is Ayanda Masina, popularly known as ‘Ayanda Kiss’ or Kgokgo to some friends.
I have a lot of nicknames. I guess it goes with the level we at with our friendship.

On a beautiful day on April 25 in 1991 I was born in Tsakane, and I have been residing there since.
I was raised by my mom’s older sister and her husband, however she has since passed on, then I had to move in with,my mom.

So I currently stay with my mom, four siblings, granddad and my uncle. I’m the oldest of five children from my mom and the fourth of nine kids from my dad.
He was never a father to us until the day he passed on, because he was never present.

I started my schooling at Shadrack Mbambo Primary School in Tsakane. Times were hard, because my mom was unemployed. I remember one cloudy day when the man who was supposed to be my daddy carried me on his back to school.

I had not yet been bought a proper school uniform so I was wearing all black and takkies (the only memory I have of him as a child) every child there had on their proper school uniform and shiny black shoes with their school bags.

I felt so left out, being the odd one out. I wanted to run out of there, but I couldn’t.  So to pass time I’d run to the toilets till lunch time or go to my Mam’khulu’s (aunt) house.

I would cry and eventually go back. I became a,learner when I finally received my proper school uniform and shiny black shoes.
In Grade five I was part of the debating and public speaking team at school and I made class monitor and was part of the top 5 English student in school life was great.

I then proceeded to Tsakane Secondary School were I was part of the drum majorettes team and part of the best biology and English learners. By Grade 10, I’d proven to be a smart child. Although it was odd that I never took interest in boys but I had a crush on a girl instead.


Ayanda Masina (2013) is currently featuring in Faces and Phases (2006-2014) by Zanele Muholi, that was launched in Ulm, Germany last night...

Ayanda Masina (2013) is currently featuring in Faces and Phases (2006-2014) book by Zanele Muholi, that was launched in Ulm, Germany last night…

I would see “tomboys” but never really understood what was going on till I moved to college. It was then that I understood that there are lesbians in the world and after all I was normal.

I was studying Information Technology (IT) but due to unforeseen circumstances I had to leave college.
That didn’t put me down, it really broke me. I needed to be something I have to be something. Since there was nothing to do and I was seeing the crimes perpetrated on lgbti persons, I joined the Equality Project (which has since closed down) and I was later elected as a co-ordinator for the Tsakane and KwaThema groups.

I always wanted to be on life changing and advocacy part of life, so it was an opportunity for me. It was sad when equality project closed down, then I moved to EPOC as only a member. You would find me in every march, workshop, and picket there was.

I had never seen myself in the spotlight and showcasing my looks and fashion sense, but in 2012 my then girlfriend asked me to join a pageant I wasn’t so keen on joining but she kept begging and telling me I could make it.
I eventually joined in the rehearsals I actually liked it on the final day I was crowned 1st Prince, and I was pleased by then.  I knew I would love being a model and stand in front of the camera.

I always felt my family knew about my sexual orientation due to my Identity but I later learnt that orientation doesn’t determine identity. I was surprised when I appeared on Shift in 2012 April few days before I turned 21 and family member asked my mom why I didn’t tell them I was lesbian.

I was surprised because I thought they knew but even after that I never wanted to explain myself, I never felt I should.

Even on the day I brought my first girlfriend home, there wasn’t any harsh or ill-treatment, instead she was like a daughter and sister to my mom and siblings.
At times I’d get jealous thinking she was taking my place and even now with my current girlfriend I have support.

However, as we all know there’s homophobia and there are those who aren’t lucky enough to dodge the hate perpetrated by homophobes. But change will come and I’ll help bring it about.

We are currently working on building partnerships and forming allies with community members, which I feel will bring about great change.
Seeing that lgbti persons face a lot of violations and it is bad when you go to service providers and receive secondary victimisation.

So I’m working with our little group in Tsakane, which I’m co-founder empowered by the Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW) and RAAP we will try and bring about the change we want to see.

I was super thrilled when Zanele Muholi called and asked to do a background on my life and knowing she’s a photographer, and doing advocacy through it. I knew I was going to be part of a great project for advocacy as part of my everyday life. Taking a different route in doing it was a great achievement and much of a pleasure.
Previous life stories


2014 Aug. 30: I’m a game changer, leader and activist




2014 Aug. 9: “I am not a lesbian by choice”




2014 July 26: “I was born this way and I cannot change the skin that I live in”




2014 June 25: I consider myself beautiful not handsome…




2014 May 24: The special boy




2014 May 7: I don’t like being identified in terms and definitions




2014 May 18: Behind the beautiful face you see is a lesbian who is torn into a million pieces




2014 May 30: I was a boy who would one day grow up to be a man




2013 Oct. 22: I thought university was for the rich




2013 Oct. 16: I am a beautiful young dyke, a woman lover




2013 Oct. 12: I just feel she deserves much better




2013 Oct. 2: I am a normal transgender woman’



2013 Aug. 22: Am exactly where I’m supposed to be



2013 July 15: The virus has become a silent relative




2013 June 27: Who I Am




2013 March 10: “I love women and they love me”




2013 February 28: I am not a Victim but a Victor










This entry was posted in 1991 -, 1st Prince for Lesbian beauty pageant, 2012, Activism, Activists, Advocacy, Allies, Ayanda Kiss’, Ayanda Masina, Background, Black Lesbian, Black Queer Born Frees, Captioned, Challenging the un-African homosexuality, Characters, Citizenship, Claiming mainstream spaces, Collaborations, Collective, Commitment, Committed, Community, Community based media, Community Mobilizing, Community organizing, Community outreach, Education, EPOC, Equality Project, Exploration, Exposure, Expression, Eyes, Faces and Phases (2006 - 2014), Facing You, Family, Fashionista, Feelings, Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW), Friendships, Gender, Girlfriend, Good singer, Grades at schools, Homophobia, Hurt, I Am, I am not the only one, I love photography, Johannesburg, Lack of funds to pursue chosen career, Learning, lgbti, Life Stories, Living, Love, Loving, Marches, Mother, Out, Participant, Photographs, Photography, Politics of existence, Politics of representation, Portrait, Poverty, Power of the Voice, Prejudice, Pride March, Profile, Proud lesbian, Proud to be, Queer Beauty Pageants in the townships, Queer Education in SA, Queer South Africa, Queer visibility, Queer Workshops, Queer Youth, Reflection, Related links, Relationship with own body, Relationships, Respect, Respected person, Response, Reviving the culture of reading and writing, secondary victimisation, Self discovery, Self love, Self portraits, Self recognition, Sexual orientation, Sexuality, Sexuality in South Africa, Sharing, Sharing knowledge, Shift on SABC 1, Single mom, Single parent, South Africa, South African lesbians, South African politics, South African Youth, Tomboys, Tsakane Secondary School, Tsakane townships, Unemployment, We Love Photography, Women's power, Women's Pride, Women's struggles, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures, Womenonwomen, Words, Writing is a Right, Young talent, Young Women and Visual Activism, Youth, Youth voices, Zanele Muholi. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to 2014 Sept. 24: “At times I’d get jealous thinking she was taking my place”

  1. Pingback: 2015 Aug. 8: Celebrated my late sister’s life | inkanyiso.org

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s