2014 Dec. 1: “I lost my mom, she died in my hands”


My name is Sifiso Leornard Nkosi known as Candice
. I was born on the 9th May 1987 in Tsakane, Eastrand, Johannesburg.

I was raised by my grandmother, and my mother. My grandmother played an important part in my life. The relationship I had with my grandmother was the relationship I needed to have with my father. Being raised by two women, made me question myself if they had an influence in the way that I am today, because there was the absence of the male figure.

Sfiso 'Candice' Nkosi, at home in Tsakane (2013). Photo by Zanele Muholi.

Sfiso ‘Candice’ Nkosi, at home in Tsakane (2013).
Photo by Zanele Muholi.

 

I grew up playing with girls and felt comfortable. Boy games seemed rough. I was not exposed to the gay community therefore I was not influenced in any way about homosexuality.

As a teenager, I had a girlfriend because of the heterosexual norms I was exposed to. I isolated myself away from boys as I felt a constraint and did feel like I did not belong, but it was the opposite when I was with girls.

Gay life: I started dating males when I enrolled at Tswelopele School of Dance in Tsakane. I was exposed the gay community and lifestyle. I was active during that time of my life, debate, public speaker, and a swimmer. My interest in dancing developed when I started taking dance classes at the Dance factory in Newtown, Johannesburg .

I then met the drag queen community as I was studying in the city. This led me to have an interest in stage performances and drag shows. I began to focus on drag performances and entered pageants. This was an over warming experience because of the attention that I was getting and being the spotlight of every gay club brought more skills and development in my talents and sexuality. I then went to join EPOC – LGBTI community NGO. It is where I got exposed in the world of activism where we fought for the QUEER rights . I took everyone by storm with my feminine behaviour and looks. I am always on make-up and dress to kill ooohh!!!
Men would die to have me.

 

Candice at Durban South Beach in Jan. 2013.

Candice at Durban South Beach in Jan. 2013.

 

Lesbian Life: I dated a very butch lesbian. She propositioned me and It confused me because what I knew was that lesbians only date women not gays. Until I tried wanting to see what is it all about because I like exploring and experiencing things to gain knowledge and assurance of my comfortability and belonging . I enjoyed the relationship even now were dating though things are not the same relationships have their own complications. We had sex but there was no penetration involve and yes I enjoyed it. She treated me like her girlfriend and gave me that feeling that I’m a woman which I like and feel comfortable in. I always thought I was gay until I explored and experienced in different sexualities and I’ve found that I’m a woman trapped in a man ‘s body.
I haven’t discovered the term that describes me as a human who dates both men and butch lesbians. And yet trapped in a wrong body but I’m forever a woman in both parties gay and lesbians relationships. It may sound confusing and strange to others but to me it’s not apart from being in the wrong body which I’m not comfortable and happy about but the moral of the story is I’m a woman NJE QHA!.

Traditional Life: After completing my matric in 2006 I had a calling to become a traditional practitioner ‘’sangoma’’which brought hope to my parents that maybe I’ll change and become a straight man. Unfortunately I became more of a woman and started to come out about it. I’m an African Christian believing in both God and ancestors, I go to Christian church like everybody. I haven’t encountered problems about me being a homosexual in the spiritual world of beliefs.

The loss of my parents: My dad passed away in March 2011 and he was a SAPS and Media Communicator of crime stop in South Africa.
Losing my father didn’t disturb me that much I think it’s because we were not living together and not that close. 2 months after I lost my mom she died in my hands which seriously disturbed me spiritually and made me see life the different way yet I lost my grandmother and left with my younger brother who is now my responsibility. We survived and I don’t know how but with the power of God. I studied Human Resource Management course.

A lot of gay people look up to me as role model since I’m surviving and slowly progressing in life
I’ve been to Umlazi, Durban as a continuation of shooting my documentary.

I’ve experienced a lot from the culture and the differences of the queers as a whole that it is not all about dating same sex partners or both but there is more into the lifestyle.

My wish as my name ”Sifiso” means is to see this universe become a space of proper freedom. Where everyone live without being corrected and judged of their sexual preference and belonging. Where will see a man kissing and woman kissing without regrets or feeling of guilt.
I’m Sifiso Leonard (Candice) Nkosi and yes I’m Istabane.

 

L-R:  Melissa Mbambo, Candice Nkosi & Yaya Mavundla

2013 Dec. 31:  From L-R: Melissa Mbambo, Candice Nkosi & Yaya Mavundla

To be continued…

 
Related links:

2014 July 12: Being treated like a Queen in Durban

 

and

 

Previous life stories

 

 

2014 Oct. 29: “I always avoided fights”

 

 

and

 

2014 Sept. 24: “At times I’d get jealous thinking she was taking my place”

 

and


2014 Aug. 30: I’m a game changer, leader and activist

 

and

 

2014 Aug. 9: “I am not a lesbian by choice”

 

and

 

2014 July 26: “I was born this way and I cannot change the skin that I live in”

 

and

 

2014 June 25: I consider myself beautiful not handsome…

 

and

 

2014 May 24: The special boy

 

and

 

2014 May 8: “I was not aware that this project would be this big”

 

and

 

2014 May 7: I don’t like being identified in terms and definitions

 

and

 

2014 May 18: Behind the beautiful face you see is a lesbian who is torn into a million pieces

 

and

 

2014 May 30: I was a boy who would one day grow up to be a man

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 22: I thought university was for the rich

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 16: I am a beautiful young dyke, a woman lover

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 12: I just feel she deserves much better

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 2: I am a normal transgender woman’

 

and

 

2013 Aug. 22: Am exactly where I’m supposed to be

 

and

 

2013 July 15: The virus has become a silent relative

 

and
2013 June 27: Who I Am

 

and

 

2013 March 10: “I love women and they love me”

 

and

 

2013 February 28: I am not a Victim but a Victor

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted in Act, Acting, Activated queer spaces, Activists, Beach, Beautiful, Career, Caring citizens, Claiming the public spaces, Contests, Death, Fashion, Friends with Yaya, Gaysbian, Johannesburg, Lessons learnt, LGBT community, Life Stories, Life story, Like to travel, Loss of parents, Member of an organisation, Queer Pride, The beach is ours, together, Together we can, Togetherness, Words, Writing is a Right, young black queer and gifted and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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