2013 April 21: Living a legacy is always better than leaving a legacy

by Kopano Sibeko

Greeted with an everlasting smile by a body that doesn’t seem to age, Phumla Rose Masuku welcomes us to her home. Present is Phumla’s life partner Nombulelo ‘Bulie’ Vimbelela. For a person in her mid 30s Masuku expresses that she’s excited that she is ageing gracefully.  She has always feared the age 25 because she lost two of her friends at that tender age, and then it hits me that I’m also at that prime age in my life. “such a coincidence”, I think to myself.

Phumla Masuku portrait taken on 20.04.2013 at home in Soweto.  Photo by Zanele Muholi

Phumla Masuku portrait taken on 20.04.2013 at home in Soweto.
Photo by Zanele Muholi

The Soweto born soccer star, explains that her journey as a soccer player started when she and a number of women formed the Soweto Ladies team inspired by their commitment to the game, especially because they played against men.  She says that she was the captain of the team and they were blessed to play internationally in Sweden and in Denmark. “Football then was beautiful,” she said.

Phumla confesses that she was a Banyana Banyana player though her career was short lived because she suffered an injury on the leg and she was then disqualified as a player but was kept in the team. She also admits to being the one who came up with the name Banyana Banyana “ Journalists came and they suggested we call the team Bafazi Bafazi and I felt that that term oppressed me, so for me I felt that they were not defining me personally so that’s when I decided that the team needed to be called Banyana Banyana” she uttered.  She also says that she got another injury in 1998, sadly she didn’t get any support from the team so she figured that that was the end of her career as a soccer star.

However, she wasn’t as discouraged by all that and she found steps to a new leap in her life again. In the millennium year she got a job as a waitress in Midrand and she also started attending workshops at Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW). The year 2003 came as a leap of faith for her, because she became an official member of FEW and that same year she won Miss Lesbian and between computer courses and learning photography, they played soccer as a form of relaxation and fun.
“That’s where everything started, most Cancerians are opportunistic, so I saw an opportunity that about 9 black lesbians could play soccer very well and that’s a team for me” she said.

zamu002.jpg

The Chosen FEW team that represented SA Lesbian footballers at the 2006 Chicago Gay Games, Florida. US.

As she reminisced with laughter that filled the room, about their first game as the Chosen FEW. She tells me that they wore sponsored t-shirts written ‘Kodak’ and white shorts all given to them by Zanele Muholi and that was their first soccer attire.  She also adds that’s the name Chosen FEW was given to them by Donna Smith, who felt that they were the chosen ones as the name continues to live on even today.

With emotion Phumla expressed that she’ll always be thankful to Zanele Muholi and Buhle Msibi who bought their first soccer kits and soccer balls.
“That was an inspiration to me that there are people who can still do that,” she said.

Then her emotions took a quick turn around and she had an endless smile on her face when she spoke about the Gay Games. She told me that though it was a bit of a mission to get there but in 2006 Gay Games, held in Chicago, US. Chosen FEW made a historical memory when they brought home a bronze medalist from the Gay Games. She also adds that she was the founder, the manager and the soccer coach for their new-formed team.

Chosen FEW at the 2006 Chicago Gay Games opening

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Chosen FEW at the 2006 Chicago Gay Games opening. Photos by Zanele Muholi

In the same spirit she also voiced out that in 2007 she had an epiphany, her new venture was to bring LGBTI Pride to the dusty streets of Soweto.  Her vision was inspired by her observation of how people loved to attend Joburg Pride but sometimes they had financial challenges “ so I thought why not bring the pride to the people” she said.  With the brilliance of such empowering thoughts, her vision was once again a historical moment. “I made history that day” she smiled with so much pride filled in her face. She continues to tell me that a 150 people turned up at the first Soweto pride and that to her was an achievement.

Sadly things took an ugly turn in Phulma’s life, when FEW got new board members and everything changed. She says that she was told that she can’t manage the team anymore and that did not make sense to her, because she had done so much for the team.
“ It hit me in a plane toilet. It only hit me then” she confesses.

Phumla explains to Zanele Muholi and I, that she was captured in a documentary titled Are You A Girl or Boy? directed by a Swedish female filmmaker talking about weed and it’s negative effects though, in that video she was rolling a joint. She was also accused of stealing soccer kits and teaching the young players to smoke weed. Those however are the only things that she could recall that made sense to her about her sudden deployment.

After a brief deep thought she also said that in late 2008, at the Joburg Pride she was given a green pamphlet like everyone else with a list of names of the new Soweto Pride committee without her knowledge and she uttered, “I died that day”.
In the same breath of sadness Phumla says since 2008 she hasn’t attended anything that’s LGBTI related “I’ve been angry, disappointed and I feel like my name was tainted for the things I didn’t do”.

Though she died inside, Phumla’s life did not take a standstill in October late that year she hosted Miss Township Lesbian and it created an opportunity for two contestants to go to school and that made her happy. Though, she feels that she could’ve continued doing it over the years. “I wish I could’ve taken it further this time, so this time I failed about 10 people the opportunity to study, all because I was angry and bitter”, she said.

Phumla expresses to us that she’s sharing her story with us because she says that she feels that people live and celebrate her life achievements and yet she has nothing to show for it and also that people don’t know that she was the driving brains behind those initiatives and therefore she wants to live her legacy and not leave a legacy, she says
“I want to be celebrated when I’m still alive”.

So what I drew from Phumla’s past and her life now are the words uttered by an iconic French designer Coco Chanel “If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them from growing”.
All I saw in Phumla’s midst are her wings coming out again.

Previous articles by Kopano

2013 April 16: Not just a handsome butch lesbian

and

2013 April 9: I refuse to be abused

Posted in Articles, As we are, Before You, Betrayal, Black lesbian soccer star, Black Lesbians, Career, Collaborations, Community, Community Mobilizing, Complicated Lesbian Relationships, Connections, Contributors, Creating awareness, Documentation; Filming; Photography; Community, Donna Smith, Education, Exposure, Expression, Films, Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW), Gender naming, Give credits where it is due, Inner feelings, Interpretation, Know Your SA Queer History, Life Stories, Love, Networking, Organizations, Our lives in the picture, Portrait, Records and histories, Relationships, Soccer injury, South Africa, Sport Activism, Visual history, Visual history is a Right not a luxury | Tagged | 27 Comments

2013 April 11: Your kiss. Our touch. My Muse

by Christie FossilSoul 

You remember the times when I would

Kiss your neck and suck your nipples until you can’t breathe…

I like taking my time tracing the contours of your body with my lips…

REWIND, wait, wait, wait…

I love it when you are undressing me with your eyes

When your lips touching my lips string together an orchestra

For the symphony about to take place…

And when the music begins

Its sensations are more intense
than I could have ever imagined.

I find my poetry in perception,

Words unspoken of the thoughts riddling your mind

That I would never come to know,

Were they not deciphered

By the music we compose when we make love.

I find the words of your thoughts

Traced along your fingertips

As you softly caress my sense-heightened skin as if to say

‘If you grasp nothing else of all of my affection to you,

please be assured of the absolute truth in my adoration of you
when I TOUCH YOU’

When I touch you…

When you touch me, when you touch me…

You touch me, leading me to the emotions of your thoughts,

Do you remember that?

The thoughts of how much you want to say without saying it

But rather just being it.

One day I’ll sing for you while we’re making love

When we’re high on each other and you’re deep inside me

As we move to the rhythm of my heart meeting your beat

Our heart beats

Fingers locked

Our bodies slippery, all over each other lubbed by the heat of our passion

Ah babe, yea speak beauty indeed to me

Coz words can never be enough for the language of beauty

Heart to heart, let’s just speak the language of beauty

For words have become insufficient

Sex, fucking, loving, licking,

talking, reciting, eating;

Kissing, sucking, caressing,

moaning, breathing deeeppp, Gasping for air,

You, Me, wine, strawberries, bed, music,

NOW…YEEESSSS!

My poetry moves mountains within even me

since we met

Please never cease to be my MUSE!

© 11/04/2013

_______________________

Previous by Christie

2013 April 10: Another black lesbian activist has fallen

and

2012 Nov. 20: Mourning on commission

Posted in Archived memories, Art Activism in South Africa, Art Solidarity, Articles, Arts, As we are, Before You, Black Lesbians, Christie van Zyl, Connections, Crea(c)tive senses, Creating awareness, Diary, Inner feelings, Interpretation, Lesbian Love Is Possible in South Africa, Queer poetics, Readings, Records and histories, Relationships | Tagged | 11 Comments

2013 April 24: Noxolo Nogwaza’s fading memory

by Lerato Dumse

Exactly two years after her tragic killing, Noxolo Nogwaza‘s family and friends are still searching for answers.

Ekurhuleni Pride Organizing Committee (EPOC) together with Amnesty International hosted a commemoration service on Wednesday, 24th April 2013. The day coincided with the period when she was killed in 2011.  Inkanyiso documented the whole funeral of Nogwaza in 2011 and continued to do so even at the commemoration on Wednesday.

lindiwe _ noxolo's daughter in front of canvas_0073


A little girl in front of the banner is Lindiwe, the late Noxolo Nogwaza’s daughter.
She was only 4 years old when her lesbian mother was brutally murdered in 2011.
Photo by Nqobile Zungu (24.04.2013)

The 24 year old lesbian’s body was found in a ditch in Tsakane, East of Johannesburg, Ekurhuleni. Her face crushed with bricks, it was also alleged that her pants were pulled down and she was raped in what is described as a hate crime.

photos taken during Noxolo's commemoration in Tsakane, Ekurhuleni. Johannesburg. (c) Inkanyiso media

photos taken during Noxolo’s commemoration in Tsakane, Ekurhuleni. Johannesburg.
(c) Inkanyiso media

bashin looking at da crowd_9657

Wednesday’s event was a far cry from the attention and support that Noxolo’s story generated from the media and politicians.
Mayor Mondli Gungubele and Premier Nomvula Mokonyane attended separate memorial services in 2011 and made promises not yet fulfilled.
The local Ward councilor known as Ivy also couldn’t come on Wednesday and sent a representative. The Police have never bothered to attend any of the events, even when they were on the programmes as main speakers.

Speaking for EPOC, Media and communication officer Bontle Khalo says they have been to the police station on numerous times. “We have never received positive feedback from police, trying to inquire over the phone is an even bigger nightmare.
We handed over a memorandum to the safety MEC at the Kwa-Thema police station in 2011, there has been no response since” says Khalo. Her experience is no different from that of Dikeledi Sibanda, from the Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW) who is working on Nokuthula Radebe’s case. In March 2011, Nokuthula, a 20 year old lesbian was killed in a neighboring township (Thokoza) less than a month before Noxolo Nogwaza in 2011.
The sentiments of loss and continuous grief were shared by both families.
They tried to do follow ups hoping for some justice to be done. The memorial was hosted next to where Noxolo’s body was found.

Luyanda Mthembu who attended previous commemoration said it’s sad to see no changes had been done. “The politicians promised to clean this area, erect a tombstone but now they have all disappeared”, concludes Mthembu.
Most of the people I spoke to remember the promise of a tombstone, and nothing about working towards apprehending the culprits.

Balloons and messages of solidarity were written on Wednesday. Khalo admits that as an organization more radical action is needed from EPOC not forgetting organisations who are working on LGBT and human rights issues.

evidence of solidarity

evidence of solidarity

Messages of support written on a hard painted wood

Messages of support written on a hard painted wood

One cannot forget the incident of another lesbian former Banyana Banyana player Eudy Simelane, was killed on the same weekend as Noxolo Nogwaza on the 27th April 2008.
The two murders happened about 5km from each other, under similar circumstances. Asked about the support or assistance given to Nogwaza’s family. Bontle talks about lawyers, who have agreed to work pro bono and the lawyer’s success in preventing the case from being an informal to formal inquest.

As South Africans prepare to celebrate 19 Years of Independence since 1994: Freedom Day on Saturday the 27th April 2013.
The Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Intersex (LGBTI) community of Ekurhuleni and allies, is preparing to bury yet another lesbian.
Patricia Mashigo (28 Feb. 1977  to 21 April 2013).
She was callously body murdered in Daveyton, Johannesburg on the 21st April 2013.

This latest incident again raises the question of freedom, and when will the LGBTI community see and enjoy this freedom.

More photos on:
Inkanyiso fb photo gallery
2013 April 24:  Noxolo Nogwaza’s commemoration

Related articles

Brutal murder of a lesbian activist condemned

Previous articles by Lerato featured in Blacklooks and Freegender sites

2011 May 13:  Kwa-Thema Praying for homophobic victims.

and

2011 May 3:  Black Easters for black lesbian community

On Inkanyiso
2013 April 2: Do good even when faced with difficulties
and
2013 April 2: He loves us all, just go to church and find God
and

2013 March 28: Failed justice

and

2013 March 28: Feather Awards (re)viewed

Posted in Abantu, Amnesty International on Inkanyiso, Community Mobilizing, Connections, Creating awareness, Daveyton, Documentation; Filming; Photography; Community, EPOC on Inkanyiso, Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW), Hate Crimes, Inkanyiso crew, Inkanyiso media, Inkanyiso Statistics, Johannesburg, Lerato Dumse, Life Stories, murdered, Records and histories, Relationships, revolution, South Africa's Freedom Day, Victims, Violence, Visual history, Visual history is a Right not a luxury, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures | Tagged , | 8 Comments

2013 April 10: God did not reject me

by Olive Legobye

I have always felt alone and different. My first experience with telling someone in my circle of friends about having lesbian thoughts was to be convinced to attend some gay-lesbians meetings or workshops. I’m too spiritual and too appropriate to be a lesbian.

There would be no convincing me that it was okay to be a lesbian in God’s eyes, sure I could be a lesbian (meant I would be a sinner for life, being homosexual is the ultimate and unforgivable sin). I lived with those thoughts and feelings for years, while secretly going to some events, visiting website & chat rooms. By doing that I felt like I at least fit in a little bit, and I was fulfilling my “sinful” part of being a lesbian.

I never thought I would find a group of woman who are Christians and lesbian, but I found them I finally found somewhere that I fit in. I found peace at HUMCC the were GOD fearing women & men, who prayed, cried, encouraged and sang with each other. It was my little heaven on earth, finally found contentment. The church where I grew up in is so lawful and homophobic. You’ll never hear the adults, priests, congregation & etc.

talking about gay life. If you ask anyone about Gays & Lesbians thing, you’ll be ashamed the way they’ll answer you they even criticize that life.

And it’s too embarrassing to talk about gay life with church members.

Life as a Christian lesbian is not a bouquet of roses. I’m not living in constant fear that God will strike me down. Life is not so different and lonely anymore, because I have found a place where I belong.

My mother love and committed to Christ and to church, both in public and behind the private walls of our own home.

In my life I don’t ever thought of being married. I wanted children only.

Over the years I dated two (2) men and while I loved the idea of being in love as a teenager I was never attracted to the men themselves or in love with them which seems a somewhat significant component for making a life-long commitment. I was raised on God’s word I had never studied homosexuality within the biblical texts. I knew there would be a loss of valued friendship from within that same community. I was fully aware of the impact it would behave on my family and our relationships.

I don’t know precisely why I’m gay. I had incredibly stable models of heterosexuality all my life. My parents have been married for more than 40 years and they were affectionate and loving with each other in my presence. My father passed away in 2005. All my grandparents had a wonderful/ beautiful relationship, I grew up in a church surrounded by heterosexual role models and was raised as a heterosexual in that it was just assumed that’s what I was.

I never knew a homosexual and my only exposure to homosexuality was occasionally hearing the word from the pulpit followed by the word sin, abomination, perversion and Sodom. None of those facts seem like real stellar incentives for someone choosing to become a homosexual and yet here I am gay. Contrary to what some might insist I never chose to be a lesbian the only choice I made was to deny or to accept my sexual orientation that was already in place long before I was even aware of what it was.

I know I’m gay, has nothing to do with my environment, traumatic childhood abuse or neglect, a testing of my faith, punishment from God, the deception of Satan, lustful passions, or a personal choice on my part.

My hair is black, my eyes are brown, I prefer chocolate over vanilla and my sexual orientation is gay. Did God make me gay?  As Creator God, yes, I believe God created me with same-sex affection. I believe my sexuality comes as no surprise to God since God knew my days before I was even fashioned in my mother’s womb. I know there are some who say being gay is a gift from God and I agree with them. What I first viewed as a curse has been one of the greatest gifts of my life because its led me on a journey that’s drawn me closer to God than anything else I have yet to experience in my life.

Again, I don’t know why I’m a lesbian but God does and I know it’s for a purpose. So I live my life as a Christian Lesbian. I am a Christian because I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and as Savior, He’s the bridge that brings me back into relationship with my Creator. My deepest desire is to live each day by saying and doing those things that would bring honor and praise to Christ and that would witness God’s love to others.

That was my desire the day before I realized I was a lesbian and it remains the same to this day. I am a lesbian because I believe this is part of God’s plan for my life and I will accept it with gratitude and celebration.

In addition to what I believe the Word of God says (and more importantly, doesn’t say) regarding homosexuality and the on-going revelation of God in my life, there’s something else that has witnessed to me there’s no sin in my sexual orientation.
If homosexuality is sin, and sin is what separates us from God then why does my relationship with Christ continue to deepen and grow?
Why am I now even more in love, more dependent, and more committed to my God?

If all gay and lesbian Christians are being deceived and their lives are a “vile and detestable abomination of God” then how is it possible that I have experienced time and again Christ’s love when I have gathered with them? Why is the Holy Spirit present in and through the lives of so many gay and lesbian brothers and sisters if they are truly living a sinful lifestyle? During this recent journey in my life I’ve experienced some deep loss and grief that’s shaken me to the core, but never for a moment has it challenged what I know concerning my standing before God as a Christian and a Lesbian. I’m many things: a woman, a lesbian and a minister but they all pale in comparison to being a child of God. And that is what I am. So are you?

 Conclusion

In everything by prayer and supplications with thanks giving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and your soul & minds in Christ.

Previous article by Olive

2013 April 2: I was warm… I’m cold and hurt

Posted in Africa, Allies, As we are, Before You, Bulawayo, Career, CD4 count, Christie van Zyl, Expression, Faith, Life Stories, Prayer, revolution, Scriptures, Skills training for LGBTI, Sponsorships | Tagged | 8 Comments

2013 April 23: Intraview II

a series

… featuring Kopano Sibeko

as part of Inkanyiso visual productions

Posted in Expression, South Africa, Victims, Violence, Women who have sex with Women | Tagged | 9 Comments

2013 April 20: Inkanyiso online reaches +100 posts and more than 26 000 views within 3 months

 by Baitiri Lumka Seleka

On the 19 April 2013, Inkanyiso.org celebrated 100 blog postings in less than three months of being active. The blog was created on the 4th February 2013, and has items ranged from news articles, creative writings, poems and personal stories from different individuals who have contributed to the blog.

Inkanyiso stats on the 21.04.2013 @6h51 pm

Inkanyiso stats on the 21.04.2013 @ 6h51 pm

I asked the Inkanyiso crew members about the achievement and this is what they’ve said:

Collen Mfazwe: “from the numbers, it’s clear that there’s a lot of commitment from the members.
It shows that we can achieve more than 300 posts in the next 3 months time if we keep working as hard as possible and we don’t lose focus. I’m hoping the members remain energetic as we carry on this”.

Charmain Carrol: “Personally I feel that it’s a big achievement for us that we have reached a 100 posts in less than 3 months and the fact that we have worked together and we have accomplished this without any funding we have accomplished by just working together and creating a bond and a relationship with the people we have been working with and that’s the most important thing that has caused us to be where we are”.

Kopano Sibeko: “Well, first and foremost it clearly means there’s growth and that is a statement.
It also means that individually we are being recognized. We are working hard to ensure that we creates names for ourselves and our readers especially those who are members of LGBT can identify with what we write about. I’m happy and excited I want to see us progress even more in the next months.

Lesego Tlhwale: “for me as a writer and someone who’s contributed to the blog it is quite a milestone. I mean in less than 3 months we have reached a 104 posts not even a 100 which means we are working hard. The articles that we are writing, receiving and publishing means that people are recognizing what we doing. We’re trustworthy and relevant so for me it is a great achievement and I wish we could do more than a 100 posts.  We should reach a 1000 posts in the next coming months which would be a great thing”.

Maureen Majola: “this achievement means that as Inkanyiso members we tried our best and we have worked so hard.  We did not anticipate 100 posts in 3 months and I’m so happy that we actually reached that before that period which means we are dedicated and we are willing to do this as one.

Nqobile Zungu: “I’m happy, I don’t have a lot to say, I’m happy we are progressing, I don’t know much about blogs but I’m assuming if it’s 100 posts it means its good and it’s a great achievement. So I’m happy”.

Thekwane Mpisholo: “It’s a way forward on tackling things on a different level and angle. People have been writing before, ok. I’m not going to mention names but other organizations have been tackling stuff. They have been doing it by the book, following the norm, the principles of writing. We do follow the same thing but on a different angle so that people stay tuned.  You know reading for some people is a bit boring. We’re trying to make it much more interesting and to have different writers writing their own style. It is very important to note that everybody has their own way of writing, some people were taught how to write . Some people write cause they have to, we write because we love to”.

Zandile Makhubu: ” Hard work and perseverance does payoff I mean that’s all I can say. We have just been working as a collective trying to make it work, doing our thing. Working hard and making sure the word is out there. I think this is a great initiative and it’s giving so many people the platform to speak their voices, speak from the heart not being judged, we are not biased, every story is welcome”.

Zanele Muholi: “Its been such a great period for me to be working with the collective. Inkanyiso has revived the culture of reading. I’m excited that we have reached this far but it’s very important for me to say that we have done this, we have reached a 100 posts and we have reached so many other places which we educated people using visual media – using documentary and film which were previously produced in South Africa over the past 10 years.
It is easier to educate different Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Intersex (LGBTI) communities through visual media especially people who might not have had the chance to watch them at queer film festivals. Previously, we have screened Raped For Who I Am by Lovinsa Kwavuma. It is quite an important documentary though directed and produced in 2005.

We shared the documentary with the communities in Daveyton, KwaThema and Alexandra.  We are planning to showcase many more documentaries that feature our own LGBTI individuals and share it with communities who do not have the privileges of being at film festivals that are hosted annually in places like Johannesburg, Durban and Cape Town. This is a milestone at it best and I’m happy we could do it as a collective”.

Inkanyiso online had 26,343 views and 5,623 visitors on 1- 19 April 2013 only.
Some of the most read articles are:

2013 March 10: “I love women and they love me”

2013 February 28: I am not a Victim but a Victor…

2013 Feb. 12: A dildo is not a man; it’s a fantastic toy…

Gathering from all the positive perspective of the team members and by judging from the work that has been presented on the blog plus the efforts that has been put forward, Inkanyiso is a growing media organisation and it is going places.

Inkanyiso is the first South African LGBTI media dominated by black lesbians who also work with male friends as service providers. A special hub ran by creative minded individuals who possess different expertise.

____________________

About the author

Baitiri is a law student, writer and poet. She is a lover, sister, friend, daughter and life skills co-ordinator. She is also one of Inkanyiso members.

Posted in Abantu, Africa, Archived memories, Art Solidarity, Articles, As we are, Before You, Collaborations, Community, Community Mobilizing, Crea(c)tive senses, Creating awareness, Education, Exposure, Expression, Johannesburg, Readings, Records and histories, Relationships, revolution, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures | Tagged | 10 Comments

2013 April 19: Inkanyiso crew and friends

 … celebrates Inkanyiso’s +100 posts and more than 25 000 views since February 4th, 2013.

Photo by Themba Vilakazi

Photo by Themba Vilakazi (2013.04.19)

Top Row
L-R: Donna Smith, Nqobile Zungu, Maureen Majola, Charmain Carrol, Muholi Muholi, Nqobile Mntambo, Lerato Matshidiso
Middle Row
L-R: Thabi Mkhwanazi, Belu-kazi Nkala, Collen Mfazwe, Lerato Dumse, Zandile Makhubu, Lesego Tlhwale.
Front Row
Kopano Sibeko, Baitiri Lumka Seleka and Akhona Hailele.

… celebrates +100 posts and more than 25 000 views within 3 months.

Posted in Abantu, As we are, Before You, Media works, Networking, Organizations, Our lives in the picture, Professionals, Profile, Records and histories, Relationships | Tagged | 4 Comments

2013 April 21: A piece of Me

by Star Kool

Maybe love did live here once upon a time.

When the sky was still blue and less invaded.

When the grass was still green and natural.

When the air still smelt fresh and less polluted.

I long for something so real and non judgemental.

Give me something grounded, give me something rooted.

Give me something real, give me something honest.

Something so natural, give me something pure.

Give me love my sweet, but give me truth.

Give me something solid, give me unbreakable.

Give me joy and excitement right through.

Lay down with me and bless me with your love.

Don’t corrupt my heart, but let it run free.

Don’t judge me by mt past. I’m doing right by you.

Brush away the pain, sooth me with your touch.

Maybe love still, just still leaves here just waiting for you.

May my wait ing be not invain.

Let my heart find you

Let your heat hear my heartbeat.

Follow the sound of your heartbeat

I’m readyto give you a piece of me.

A piece of me you shall have.

Maybe love still lives here

© 18/04/2013

____________________

About the author

Name is Star Kool, lives in JHB a Pisces by nature who feels and understand pain. A compassionate soul who finds solitude in music to help her reconnect. I believe music and poetry are sisters separated at birth.

Owner of LesGirls Entertainment (Party Page). Writing is what I do when my mind can’t handle all the pressures of this World.

Been writing short poems and songs for as long as I can remember. This piece was based on the unanswered questions my heart had been asking than. I hope that somehow, somewhere your heart can relate.

 

Posted in Arts, As we are, Black Lesbians, Community, Crea(c)tive senses, Creating awareness, Our lives in the picture, South Africa | Tagged | 1 Comment

2013 April 16: Not just a handsome butch lesbian


by Kopano Sibeko

A smile that warms up the room and a walk that encourages a stare, Cordelia Mfazwe fondly known as ‘Collen’ is out-spoken. She greets me shyly as she plays with her cap to avoid eye contact.

Collen Mfazwe outside Women's Jail, Constitution Hill. Braamfontein, Johannesburg. 2013.04.20 Photo by Zanele Muholi

Collen Mfazwe outside Women’s Jail, Constitution Hill. Braamfontein, Johannesburg.
2013.04.20
Photo by Zanele Muholi

She giggles briefly and explains that she got the name ‘Collen’ at Primary school. Growing up, Collen identified more with boys and when she got the name Collen from the group of guys who were her friends at the time she was overly excited because she too felt that she was a boy. “It’s amazing how that name took power over my life, because although at home they were pretty much offish about this name, they realised that it has become a part of my identity and now they also call me Collen” she said.

Collen Mfazwe. (2012.12.12) Photo by Zanele Muholi

Collen Mfazwe. (2012.12.12)
Photo by Zanele Muholi

Ubuhle bo muntu ukuzithanda kwakhe” which means the beauty of a person is the love they give themselves” she expresses.  “I am not defined by clothes, most people tend to think that expensive clothes create an image or define beauty, but I am defined by cleanliness because cleanliness is close to godliness” she added.

She tells me about the beauty that she possesses on and off the stage. Collen is crowned
Mr. Les Valentine and also as the 2nd prince of Mr. Uthingo, an initiative by an LGBTI organisation titled Uthingo  – The Rainbow.

“I am not just about beauty” she declares, she explains that modeling also known as beauty contests are a way of creating awareness and building relations with the community and also keeping away from the dusty streets of Daveyton for her.

Collen tells me that building a relationship with the community is treating people the way you want to be treated.  “We have created awareness by being involved with the police stations and the clinics by washing their cars, as means of accumulating funds to sustain the organisation and the beauty pageants were a way to give back to the community ” she says.

The 25 year old explains that life has not been a bed of roses for her; she walks me through a tale about the year that she lost her mother, who was her confidant and her world “Losing her made me miserable “she says.  She describes her mother as a strong woman who raised her and her four siblings as a single parent. “Though her passing was life changing I drew strength from it” as she looks away with sadness in her face and eyes that glittered with tears.

As I try to drift away from the emotional moment, I ask her how she thinks her life would be if her mom was still around and she says, “I would be a graduate”. She continues to say that she is not however justifying where she is in life at the moment, but things would’ve been way different with the love of a mother basking in her ambience.  She went on to tell me about her sister Nomthandazo Mfazwe, she calls her, her hero, “Thando does everything for us, after the passing of our mom, she took the responsibility of giving us that motherly love” she says.   With a huge sigh she confesses that growing up wasn’t as easy as she grew up as a delinquent for a child, disappearing from home and alcoholism became her second nature.  Collen stares into space in deep thought and I could read from her face that if she ever lost her sister that that would be the end of her.

She slowly directs me back to her life as a driving force of change in her community “With the contests we held, I have seen change “she admits gently with a smile. She utters that, the aim is not to get everyone to understand homosexuality but the three or four people that understand it now, that is an achievement for her. She tells me that being a member of Uthingo has made her a leader because now she is able to educate young fellow lesbians.

She shares that her leadership nature has led her to where she is now, “I don’t let my financial instability define who I want to be”. She says she has done gardening, painting and played chess as means to make money to sustain her life and that of her siblings.

Colleen is a soccer fanatic and a soccer player, not only is she good on the field but she’s also good in the kitchen. She says that the absence of her mother in her life has worked to some advantage because she had to learn to be more domesticated and responsible as her eldest sister had to go to work to ensure that they are well fed and clothed.

Her bodily gestures express that she’s an energetic being, as she gets up to stretch her body, while expressing that now she’s on a venture to explore photography. “I am a proud member of Inkanyiso, and I am really grateful for this opportunity presented to me by Zanele Muholi”. She adds that her quest for success is slowly showing face.

I also captured from the tone of her voice and from the tale of her past that she is a courageous young woman, her life might have not been the easiest to live, but she carries with her the quality of hope that keeps her going.

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