2015 Mar. 19: The Protest is in response to DOLCE & GABBANA

Insulting slurs against IVF children and same-sex parents

Speaking to the Italian magazine Panorama, alongside his business partner, Stefano Gabbana, Domenico Dolce said children should be born to a mother and a father.

Dolce told Italian magazine Panorama that:

“The only family is a traditional one. I’m not convinced by those I call chemical children, synthetic babies… They are wombs for hire, semen chosen from a catalogue… psychiatrists are not ready to confront the effects of this experimentation.”

protest D&G photo 6A lot of activists at the forefront of this protest are from Uganda.

protest D&G photo 7

 

protest D&G photo 14
Stefano Gabbana said: “The family is not a fad. . . I am opposed to the idea of a child growing up with two gay parents.”

Please join us in sending a clear message to Dolce and Gabbana that same-sex families are loving, happy families. This issue is not about same-sex families alone but also about the many straight families who have benefited from fertility treatment. Dolce and Gabbana’s statements add to the stigma, shame, prejudice, rejection and intolerance often suffered by the same-sex parents and their children.

It is hypocritical for Stefano Gabbana to oppose gay parents, given that in 2006 he expressed desire to have a child via artificial insemination and surrogacy. He’s guilty of double standards. Gabbana wanted for himself what he now condemns other gay men for wanting.
protest D&G photo 4

protest D&G photo 1 (18)
Protesters photo _ D&G

 

Dolce and Gabbana are echoing ill-informed, outdated and homophobic prejudices about gay parents. Research spanning 40 years shows that children brought up by gay mums and dads are just as happy and well-adjusted as those from traditional heterosexual families. The key to a child’s welfare is the love of their parents, not the parent’s sexual orientation.

Out and Proud Diamond Group

Peter Tatchell Foundation

 

 

 

 

 

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2015 March 10: Photo of that day

… still relevant right now.

Camera used:  Canon 6d with 85mm lens on Manfrotto tripod.
Location:  Belleville, Paris. FRANCE.
A collaboration between Valerie Thomas and Zanele Muholi.

 

ZaVa series, Paris  (2015)

ZaVa series, Paris (2015)

 

Previous link

 

2014 Nov. 11: The Artivist and the Doctor

 

and

 

Related link

2014 Nov. 21: I’m cut in two

 

 

Posted in After 2015 International Women's Day, Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Cold night, Collaborations, Collective, Comfort, Commitment, Committed, Communication strategies, Community, Complicated Lesbian Relationships, Confession, Connected souls, Connections, Creating awareness, Creative Writing, Democratic, Facing You, Facts, Faith, Family, Featuring, Feelings, Female being, Female Photographers, Lesbian, Lesbian couple, Reality, Reason, ReClaim Your Activism, Recognition, recognized, South African Visual Activism, Visual activism is a language, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, ZaVa series (2015) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

2015 March 16: Response to Muholi – Artist’s Talk

@ UCL Centre for the Study of Contemporary Art at 6pm
by Dr Cadence Kinsey

Ahead of the exhibition opening, which is part of the Deutsche Börse Photography Prize, nominee, Zanele Muholi visited the History of Art Department at UCL to talk about her work as an artist and activist. Her nominated project, Faces and Phases 2006-14, explores black LGBTI identity in post-apartheid South Africa and beyond. Working closely with participants, Muholi’s work represents the life of the community against a backdrop of homophobia, transphobia, discrimination and violence. However, as Muholi explained, traditions of resistance imagery – of pain and protest – are offset in her work by depictions of tenderness and love.

 

2015 March 13 UCL dept 1

 

The daily experience of life and living, of weddings and funerals, become moments that bring the community together. Muholi also spoke about how her work connects with Inkanyiso, the project she developed in response to the lack of visual histories and visual literacy skills training produced by and for black LGBTI persons. Through this project, the community can work together to develop new languages of self-representation.

 

2015 Mar.13 Muholi presenting her work to students and allies  UCL,  UK. Photo by Lerato Dumse

2015 Mar.13 Muholi presenting her work to students and allies UCL, UK. Photo by Lerato Dumse

 

Taken as a whole, Muholi described her work as visual activism: a project of producing positive representations, of authoring new spaces and even new realities. By moving away from direct representations of hate and violence, Muholi’s work constructs a new archive for the black LGBTI community. Because the photograph can enter many different kinds of spaces, or go ‘viral’ as Muholi put it, these images have a life beyond the gallery: they are put to work online, on social media, to be shared amongst those who created them. As such, it seemed to me that the power of the project was that it does not simply document but actively intervenes in the lives of those it represented.

 

2015 March 13 UCL _Muholi Lecture -poster
Muholi’s talk was followed by a lively debate that centred on her activist work. One provocative topic was how the legacies of violence in apartheid might be felt in the kinds of hate crime that shadow her work as an artist and activist working with black LGBTI individuals, raising issues of accountability and responsibility for those who perpetuate the violence. Other questions focused on possible moments of solidarity with other African nations, and cases from Zambia and Nigeria were discussed. This left us with the open question of how to attend to difference – to local issues, need or resources – while developing ways to work together.

 

 

Previous links

 

2015 March 14: Educational Friday with UCL scholars and allies

 

and

 

2015 Mar. 12:  Muholi addresses scholars at Brighton University, UK

 

Related link

 

2015 Mar. 9:  “African Photography & ” Faces and Phases” seminar

 

and

2015 Feb.27: Announcement – Public Lecture by Zanele Muholi @ UCLAN, London

 

and


2014 July 18: Women’s Day Lecture at UFS

 

and

 

2014 June 17: Muholi’s Ryerson University (RIC) Talk

 

and

 

2014 Mar.21: Photo of the Day from Human Rights and LGBTI in Sub-Saharan Africa class

 

and

 

2014 Mar. 18: Sharing South African Queer Knowledge with students in America

 

and

 

2014 Mar.5: More than an activist

 

and

 

2014 Feb.4: Black Queer Born Frees in South Africa

 

and

 

2013 Nov. 4: From Market Photo Workshop to Bremen University

 

 

 

 

Posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, Response by Dr Cadence Kinsey, South Africa, We Are You, We Care, We love each other, We love photographs, We Love Photography, We Still Can with/out Resources, Well organized event, Writing is a Right, Zulu is a language | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

2015 March 18: Visualizing Herstories

… in conversation with Ingrid Pollard

Where:  UCLAN, United Kingdom (UK). Preston

Camera used:  iPhone 4S by Christine Eyene.

An invitation from Christine Eyene  as part of Making Histories slot for FORMAT International Photo Festival.
Christine also took the behind the scenes photos as Lerato Dumse conducted the interview and Zanele Muholi captured the videos.

 

IMG_9428

 

IMG_9422

 

IMG_9425

 

IMG_9439

 

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L-R:  Ingrid Pollard, Zanele Muholi and Lerato Dumse.

 

2015 Mar.18 Ingrid Muholi Christine Lerato_2044

L-R: Between the artist, activist, curator and journalist. Women Making Current Herstories… Photo by Zanele Muholi

 

Related links

 

2015 March 14: Navigating through London

 

and

 

2015 March 14: Educational Friday with UCL scholars and allies

 

and

 

2015 Feb.27: Announcement – Public Lecture by Zanele Muholi @ UCLAN, London

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, Related links, Relationships, Remembering, We Are You, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

2015 March 14: Navigating through London

by Lerato Dumse

I’ve known for approximately two months that I will be traveling to London on March 10 as a participant working on the Faces and Phases 2006-14 photo book.

 

2014 2013 2010 Lerato Dumse portraits by Zanele Muholi.

2014 2013 2010 Lerato Dumse portraits by Zanele Muholi.

 

As an impatient person, I have taught myself to block out any upcoming, exciting expectations, news or events until the time comes.

However, by late last week I could feel the excitement and anticipation swell up inside me.

My mother turned 50 years old on 7th March 2015 and we had a birthday party for her. Arranging the event and the constant bickering between my sister and I over the party helped to get the trip out of my mind.

The day of departure finally arrived and I had been warned about the cold weather and season. I rushed to the mall to try and get some warm gear, to my disappointment winter stock had not arrived, the shops which had stock were just too expensive for me, especially since I spent a lot of money for the party. So I could not arm myself with warm clothing the way I would have like.

My mom insisted that she wants to be with me at the airport because she “wants to see the plane take off.” It meant traveling home to KwaThema from Johannesburg, where she (mom) had arranged with her friend to drive us to the airport. We were running late and since we were not clear on the directions our generous driver didn’t want to drive too fast. I could feel my Impatience building up as I imagined the airport staff telling me “check in time has passed.”

Fortunately there was no drama during check in, and I proceeded to the boarding gate, before realising that I had not eaten all day and I was hungry.

I made my way to one of the shops to buy a snack. I first became suspicious when I noticed that there were no price tags on any of the items in the shop. I decided to grab a juice as a temporary solution to my hunger, until they served supper on the plane. When the person in front of me produced R200 to pay for two sandwiches, two juices and a packet of gum, I knew these people meant business.

My turn came to pay for the 330ml juice and I braced myself for the worst, however I was still shocked when the cashier said R32.

It reminded me just how expensive it is to travel, the fact that my Visa alone cost R5 550, plus another R1700 for the fast service. How these tactics are used to prevent ordinary South Africa such as myself from traveling, while those who are perceived to be tourists who bring their foreign currency don’t even need to pay for a visa to visit our shores. I sipped on my expensive juice and made my way inside the plane ready for the 10-hour flight.

Apart from a screaming baby not far from my seat, I was lucky to find a seat with no other passenger, which meant I could sleep. Fortunately there was no turbulence, so much so that at times I was worried that the plane had stopped moving mid-air. We landed safely at Heathrow airport and I noticed that our flight was full of senior citizens. I’m still curious about why and also saddened by the fact that none of these old people were black or even coloured. It made me think of our great/grandparents who are stuck in their apartheid built homes, some in RDP homes (if not shacks) taking care of grandchildren. How for most of them the longest trip they took in their lives was traveling to urban areas such as Gauteng by bus, train, trucks and taxis to seek employment, while most never even found their way back home.

I must admit that I did not have an unpleasant experience at the airport, as I was expecting, based on my own experience while traveling to America and experiences shared by others, while traveling outside of Africa.

The worst one for me is racial profiling at airports; being called to the side amongst hundreds of other people you were on the same plane with. Being asked ridiculous questions by a security guard. Questions you have answered already while applying for your visa, which you will be asked again when you reach customs.

The expensive juice at OR Tambo International airport was only the start of my problems. Visiting the currency exchange counter at Heathrow airport I was informed that R150 would give me a mere 5 pounds, I think I immediately dropped a dress size. I was advised to rather visit a bank when I reached London, instead of the airport. I sat outside the café that I was supposed to meet with Zanele Muholi and took full advantage of the 8hours free super fast Internet to catch up on my work.

Once Muholi and I had reconnected we travelled to London, our home that a friendly Oliver Phillips has opened and agreed to share with us. One of the first things I noticed was the efficient public transport from trains to buses, which seems to be used by the majority of people in the area. The busyness and overcrowding of London reminds of Joburg CBD, only difference is that instead of black people its whites.

 

At home with Oliver Phillips

At home with Oliver Phillips

It was sad to learn about the young people who kill each other in London mostly by stabbing. Seeing flowers laid down in a public space in honour of one of the victims of these senseless killings forced me to remember the black lesbians we have buried in SA townships. My heart was further crushed when I read in the front pages about the unemployment crisis, which is affecting youths in the minority groups, such as blacks leaving in London.

One of my fears is getting lost, especially in a foreign country. Having to venture out into the streets of London the following morning made me anxious, thank God for cabs or Muholi and I might have spent our morning carrying heavy bags looking for The Photographers’ Gallery.

 

2015 Mar.12:  L-R Lerato Dumse, Angela Kaya (Director at Goethe Institut - London) and Zanele Muholi.

2015 Mar.12: L-R Lerato Dumse, Angela Kaya (Director at Goethe Institut – London) and Zanele Muholi.

 

Hopping from one meeting to the next, we then rushed to the Goethe-Institut London office before taking a one-hour train trip to Brighton for the first of four planned university talks for Muholi at the Brighton University.

The following morning saw us running to catch the 9am train and making it to the station with less than 5 minutes to spare. Later I was introduced to the London version of Fanta Orange. I was surprised to see that the colour was not orange, but looked like Fanta Pineapple, only to taste like a bad non-existent Fanta Lemon.

2015 Mar. 13 Lerato Dumse & Robert Taylor...

2015 Mar. 13 Lerato Dumse & Robert Taylor…

 

Meeting with Robert Taylor who was mentored and inspired by the late talented friend photographer, Rotimi Fani-Kayode provided lots of insights into the world of black photography in London presently and during the 80s.

After another talk by Muholi at UCL University, Professor Tamar Garb, her husband, colleague and students, entertained us at her home. Indian food was served and my taste buds were excited to taste food that is similar to what I eat in SA.

After the meal; wine and enlightening conversations were shared freely, before being driven to our new temporary home where I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow, only to be told in the morning that I had snored the whole night (I refuse to believe it).

March 14 had gloomy and cloudy weather. I was scared to even leave the safety and warmth of the blankets. I spent the whole day indoors catching up on my writing and feeling cold. One of our Caledonian Road neighbours spent a part of their evening chatting and laughing very loud, whoever said Africans are the loudest people clearly never met this family.

One more week left in the Queen’s country, all I’m praying for is the weather to improve and to continue meeting other influential and informed black artists to exchange knowledge and ideas with.

 

 

Related links

 

2015 Feb. 23: My very own apartheid experience in Oslo

 

and

 

2014 Nov.17: Announcement – MoMA present two best South African artists

 

and

 

2014 Sept. 11: The New York experience that was

 

and

 

2014 June 20:  Spana my child

 

and

 

2014 June 20:  Difficult screenings

 

and

 

2014 April 5: ‘Sifela i Ayikho’ photos

 

and

 

2014 Mar. 13:  SA Black Lesbian invades San Francisco 

 

and

 

2013 Dec. 21: ‘A part of Me’ in Paris

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 7:  Art enthusiasts converged

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 4: Cramps were killing me

 

and

 

2013 Aug.9: For the love of sport activism

 

and

 

2013 July 31: Almost all about my first time abroad

 

and

 

2013 June 21: Yesterday’s Reality Check

 

and

 

2013 June 5: Lesego sharing the work of Inkanyiso at the LGBT conference in Salzburg, Austria

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, South Africa, We Are You, We Care, We love each other, We love photographs, We Love Photography, We Still Can with/out Resources, We were (t)here, Witnesses, Women's power, Women; Voices; Writings; Education; Traditions; Struggles; Cultures, Words, Work, Writing is a Right, Writing matters | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

2015 March 14: Educational Friday with UCL scholars and allies

 

2015 March 13 UCL _Muholi Lecture -poster

Faces and Phases participants: Left to Right Andiswa Dlamini, Sweeto Makgai, Lebo Raphala and Xana Nyilenda.

Links related to the participants featuring in the poster above

 

2013 Sept. 7:  I used to be a lesbian

and

 

2013 Aug. 20:  Lesbian Activist survives stabbing

 

and

 

2013 Oct. 4:  Cramps were killing me

 

and

 

2013 Nov.3:  Everything so close yet so far apart

Previous link

2015 Mar. 12:  Muholi addresses scholars at Brighton University, UK

 

Related link

 

2015 Mar. 9:  “African Photography & ” Faces and Phases” seminar

Upcoming lecture

 

2015 Feb.27: Announcement – Public Lecture by Zanele Muholi @ UCLAN, London

 

 

Previous talks/ guests lectures

 


2014 July 18: Women’s Day Lecture at UFS

 

and

 

2014 June 17: Muholi’s Ryerson University (RIC) Talk

 

and

2014 Mar.21: Photo of the Day from Human Rights and LGBTI in Sub-Saharan Africa class

 

and

 

2014 Mar. 18: Sharing South African Queer Knowledge with students in America

 

and

 

2014 Mar.5: More than an activist

 

and

 

2014 Feb.4: Black Queer Born Frees in South Africa

 

and

 

2013 Nov. 4: From Market Photo Workshop to Bremen University

 

 

Posted in Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

2015 March 12: Muholi addressed scholars at Brighton University, UK

 

2015 March 12 Muholi @ Brighton University _Poster

 

 

Event organized by Tessa Lewin (PhD scholar:  Art & Humanities dept.)

Bio

Tessa Lewin(t.lewin@brighton.ac.ukis a doctoral candidate at the University of Brighton, and a research fellow at the Institute of Development Studies. She is an artist and activist. She co-directed/produced ‘The Harsh Divide’/ ‘Salvation is Cheap’ with Gideon Mendel and Guilhem Alandry. While managing the communication for the feminist research consortium ‘Pathways of Women’s Empowerment’ she founded the documentary film scheme ‘Real World’. Prior to this, she managed the Digital Arts portfolio at Lighthouse. She is particularly interested in the use of creative and visual methods in participatory research.

 

Related link

2015 Mar.9: “African Photography & “Faces and Phases” seminar

 

Upcoming lecture

 

2015 Feb.27: Announcement – Public Lecture by Zanele Muholi @ UCLAN, London

 

 

Previous talks/ guests lectures

 


2014 July 18: Women’s Day Lecture at UFS

 

and

 

2014 June 17: Muholi’s Ryerson University (RIC) Talk

 

and

2014 Mar.21: Photo of the Day from Human Rights and LGBTI in Sub-Saharan Africa class

 

and

 

2014 Mar. 18: Sharing South African Queer Knowledge with students in America

 

and

 

2014 Mar.5: More than an activist

 

and

 

2014 Feb.4: Black Queer Born Frees in South Africa

 

and

 

2013 Nov. 4: From Market Photo Workshop to Bremen University

 

 

Posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, South Africa, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

2015 Mar.9: “African Photography & “Faces and Phases” seminar

 

BADEROON&THOMAS_POSTER_DRAFT

 

 

Related links

 

2015 Feb.27: Announcement – Public Lecture by Zanele Muholi @ UCLAN, London

 

 

and

 


2014 July 18: Women’s Day Lecture at UFS

 

and

 

2014 June 17: Muholi’s Ryerson University (RIC) Talk

 

and

2014 Mar.21: Photo of the Day from Human Rights and LGBTI in Sub-Saharan Africa class

 

and

 

2014 Mar. 18: Sharing South African Queer Knowledge with students in America

 

and

 

2014 Mar.5: More than an activist

 

and

 

2014 Feb.4: Black Queer Born Frees in South Africa

 

and

 

2013 Nov. 4: From Market Photo Workshop to Bremen University

 

 

 

 

Posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, Power of the Voice, South Africa, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Writing is a Right | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

2015 Mar. 8: International Women’s Day March in Paris

Photo Album by Zanele Muholi (2015/03/08)
Where:  From Republique Square to Hotel de Ville public space, Paris.
What:  Marching for the rights of all women
Camera used:  iPhone 5s hand held

republique square _protesting for rights of women

intl womens march _ republique 1

rebelles

another photographer

sabreen of LoCs

inter-LGBT

women with disabilities matter too

featuring winnie mandela

male photographers on intl women s day march in paris

 

femen      hotel de ville _ paris is where we at

the rainbow flag at Paris Iinternational Women s day march

 

 

Previous from Paris

2013 June 6: Reviving the spirit of Thokozani

 

Posted in Another Approach Is Possible, Archived memories, Creating awareness, Expression, From South Africa to Paris, Photographs, Photography, Photography as a therapy, Power of the Voice, Professional black lesbians in South Africa, Textualizing Our Own Lives, Together we can, Togetherness, Visual activism, Visual activism is a language, Visual Activist, Visual Arts, We Are You, We Care, We Still Can with/out Resources, Well organized event, Writing is a Right | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

2015 March 5: A simple universal healing for life’s miseries

by Siba Nkumbi

… seeing things as they really are!

I went to Worcester for Vipassana meditation, it’s a 10day course where one disconnects from the world to learn the technique spending ten days in noble silence. The only companion one will be left with is the mind and its old habits.

At first I thought the idea of Vipassana was absurd, I was convinced that it was some type of exercise to control people’s minds (As a human you gotta watch your back and so I went to google for some sort of consolation). As Karma had it, despite my assumptions about the technique I couldn’t stop thinking about how different I’d be if I took the course. In a blink of an eye my life started spiraling out of control from every angle, I decided there and then to give the course a chance.

See I had blues from losing a total of 3 jobs in a space of 3months, things were not going according to my plans and the struggle of finding a job. Push came to shove where I ended up bar tending (bar tending was also a fantasy come true). However, as a recovering alcoholic selling alcohol became less and less attractive because half the times I could predict how the night was going to end for some people. It hurt and so I made a conscious decision to stop. There was good money, people are generous with tips when intoxicated but I felt guilty after every shift. People started preaching about beggars not being choosers (In my mind I was telling them to take their advise and jump off a bridge). Every month since I returned to Cape Town was a nightmare, as much as I was still job hunting I had to think about rent. I had to resort to owing almost all my friends to survive, owing friends was never a spot I imagined myself to be dancing on and that added more stress. I found myself having to sell my laptop which was my workstation to at least cover rent for that month. I was about to go back home (Eastern Cape) to be a taxi driver and give up on my dreams because suddenly everything became too much for me to handle. Being unemployed in Cape Town was taking its toll on me, when I couldn’t get money to return I realised that maybe it was the Universe’s way of telling me to go to Vipassana ( I had always been an earth child to a certain extent). I then decided to give Vipassana a chance and to my surprise, it worked.

Before I go on about how the technique is changing my life everyday, let me elaborate on what Vipassana meditation is…

Vipassana means ‘SEEING THINGS AS THEY REALLY ARE‘. It is the process of self purification by self observation. One begins by observing the natural breath to concentrate the mind. With the sharpened awareness one proceeds to observe the changing nature of body and mind; and the experiences of the Universal truths of impermanence ( The only thing constant in life is change), suffering and ego-lessness. It has nothing to do with any organised religion or secularism, so it can be practiced truly by anyone at anytime anywhere, as long as you abstain from praying or performing rituals for the ten days so that you can give a fair chance to the technique and then decide if it works for you or not after 10 days.

Sounds easy enough?
Far from it…

If you’re willing to take the 5 precepts for the duration of the course (10 days) then you’re off to a great start. The 5 precepts are:

Abstain from killing any being (even insects)
Abstain from stealing
Abstain from all sexual activities
Abstain from telling lies, and
Abstain from all intoxicants
Here’s my experience!

I left Cape Town to Worcester knowing deep down in my heart that I had nothing to lose, should the technique work or not. Also, I wanted to get to the bottom of my addiction (Alcoholism)  and see if there was a solution for any type of addiction too. Problems started happening, I was supposed to go with two other individuals but because of money problems one lady had to stay behind (getting yourself to Worcester is your responsibility). Then after struggling with getting transport, on the day before we left ( myself and Christie) we managed to find transport and so it was confirmed that all roads will lead to  Worcester the next morning and there was no turning back. I had two main reasons for going to the retreat; The fact that my life was falling apart the more I tried and my curiosity about the psychological causes of my alcoholism. Though writing about it and going to AA helped me cope better, I still experienced cravings every now and then and so I felt like Vipassana was the answer for me to beat my addiction once and for all. Besides, I knew that I wouldn’t handle another relapse so the technique had better work. Vipassana helps any individual to be aware of the law of the Universe through experience and not at an intellectual level. I too was tired of having an intellectual understanding only and so I wanted to experience how life works personally so that I could be the master of my own mind, not the other way around. I got the chance!

At first I was impatient (one of my deadliest traits) and I was shocked that all we did the first day was just breathing. Automatically the mind went wild and that led to panic but I told myself that I will make it work no matter how hard. Little did I know that the breathing that annoyed me so much was a foundation of  what was yet to come. From day 2, things became intense it was silent enough to hear the voices in your head as if they were on loudspeaker. As the days went by I grew deep in the technique and concentrated my entire being then things started coming from deep down to the surface, memories about things I even forgot all at once; and then those realisations were followed by intense dreams. I got overwhelmed and I found myself weak and weeping like a baby for a couple of hours as the only option I had was to face the truth. The pain was too much, I couldn’t take it! It was like watching a movie about myself (uncut). However, as I acknowledged reality it became easier to to deal with the things I never dealt with from my past. It was unbearable at first but I kept encouraging myself that it will get better and it did. I experienced many emotions at once,except hapiness. I felt Anger, sorrow, resentment, guilt and an overwhelming amount of frustration towards myself, the people that never understood me or took the time to and the rest of the world. Never in any of those moments did I want to give up, I knew deep down that it gets worse before it gets better and giving up was an option I didn’t have ( I was never one to quit when the going gets tough) and so I continued with my meditation. By day 6 things got clearer, I understood where everything was coming from and how they turned the way they did. I began to make sense of my life from my own perspective and no one else’s (it felt good). I also realised that I was left with one emotion: ANGER

Growing up I isoleted myself, became a bully and slowly lost a torch towards my future as I couldn’t handle growing up with an alcoholic father, I was also mad at myself that I became an alcoholic too. I realised that anger played a huge role in my being a mess for almost 21 years, years there were highlights of great times but the bad times had always outweighed the good times or maybe my focus was fixed on the negative most of the time. I had always blamed father for messing me up, failing to acknowledge that everything that happened in my past made me the strong woman I am today. I intentionally and unintentionally hurt people in the process of protecting myself from life. All in all, Vipassana is broken down into 3 segments: SILA, SAMADHI and PANNA. The foundation of the practice is SILA (Moral Conduct), which provides the development of the SAMADHI (Concentration of mind) and the purification of the mind is achieved through PANNA (Wisdom of insight) all Three go hand in hand. If followed step by step and accordingly Vipassana gives accurate results I AM LIVING PROOF! It is a technique that allows one to come out of their own misery at their own pace, and at the right time.

I realised that I was disappointed in myself, mad at my Dad and the whole world for everything bad, especially white people ( I’m not racist, but I believed the apartheid ruined a lot of lives then and now). However, when the good happened I never voiced out how good the world was. I was Bias! attracted to the negative more than the positive. All I had to do was to accept that life will always be two-fold, the good and the bad balance each other out. My first step to a mystery free life was coming out of those attachments and accept reality, embracing the past and letting it go, acknowledging the future and appreciating the present.

I have began a journey on the path of nature, and in nature everything always turns out the way it should; as long as I will always practice perfect equanimity and will always be aware of my actions. Like the great Gautama (Buddha) one quoted his ancient teacher and said ” Human life vanishes as quickly as a dewdrop on the tip of a blade of grass”, I came to realised that life was indeed pointless, we’re all mere mortals and nothing lasts forever and we were blessed with the gift of death. I am striving to let go of all the attachments of life and detach from all my miseries. It’s a work in progress and I am patient with myself. After 10 days, I am slowly becoming my own master.

I have forgiven myself
I’m on a journey of self discovery
I have finally let go of alcohol
I admit I am human and I will make mistakes
Asking why no longer has a space in my vocabulary
I will never be the same person again

Everything in this life is impermanent, nothing lasts and so whatever hardships anyone undergoes they will always pass. Life gets better, Karma is real and so we must all do well in order to be well. Nothing is ever easy; with determination, faith, devotion and Love anything is possible (especially happiness).

I AM CONSOLED.

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